Wife, Your Attitude Can Either Reinforce or Hinder Your Husband - KAREN ELAINE STEWART CHARISMA SPIRITLED WOMAN

Your words can either tear down or build up your husband. (Photo by Angelina Litvin on Unsplash)

Wife, Your Attitude Can Either Reinforce or Hinder Your Husband

7/6/2017 KAREN ELAINE STEWART CHARISMA SPIRITLED WOMAN

The SpiritLed Woman podcast is empowering women weekly to follow their purpose in Christ and boldly walk in faith. Listen at charismapodcastnetwork.com.

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My husband, Samuel, and I have been married now for more than 21 years. We fell in love in college, and we fell in love hard. I am so very grateful! The Lord gave us such a once-in-a-lifetime type of love, the kind of love that has its roots in eternity, that withstands the tests of times, and that has the Lord's hand and His Word intermingled and interwoven in the very fabric of our relationship. I thank the Lord because, truth be told, we are very far from being perfect. If it were not for the Lord, where would we be? We will never claim to have operated in perfection, especially when it comes to the maturation of ourselves and our marriage.

Early in our marriage, people would comment that we looked so happy and didn't fight. That, of course was many moons ago, before we began our growth. We become very acquainted with the art of disagreement. We have gone through maturation periods that have stretched our faith, our trust and our very marriage. As a wife, I have run through the gamut of emotions. I have questioned myself, my worth, my relevance, my beauty, my appeal and my place, as well as my sanity.

I was so busy fantasizing and idealizing, attempting to recreate the past of a mate, that in the beginning I robbed myself of appreciating and honoring the great person, husband, father, provider, man of God and man of integrity that my husband had become. It became many times like it says in Proverbs 27:15: "A continual dropping on a very rainy day and a contentious [having a tendency to argument or strife; quarrelsome] woman are alike."

Picture that: It just doesn't stop. It keep pouring; it keeps storming. Wives, sometimes our "reminder," our "Why can't you? " or "Didn't you say you were going to do?" can eventually become a deluge for our husbands ...

Our attitudes can either reinforce or hinder our husbands. Wives, our husbands can either be "broken" and dismantled, or validated and healed, by the words we speak into their lives. As the Bible tells us, we were created to be his "help meet." So the way I see it, every time a husband sees his wife, he is to "meet help" and not hindrance. Proverbs 18:22 says we as wives are to be found a "good thing," someone favorable the Lord has given to our husbands. Therefore, we need to empower, elevate and show appreciation for our men, not emasculate them with our attitudes.

Ecclesiastes 9:9 says, "Enjoy life with the wife whom you love all the days of your vain life which He has given you under the sun; because that is your reward in life and in your toil because you have labored under the sun." 

This article is an excerpt from The Be-Attitudes: Women and the Many Faces We Wear by Karen Elaine Steward. Copyright 2017 by Karen Elaine Stewart.

Karen Elaine Stewart is a native of Jamaica, West Indies. She believes that family is the most precious of all gifts and has made her focus raising her children and assisting her husband, Samuel, in building their company. Along with her husband, she has founded the YouTube broadcasts "God's Dynamics: Family Building" and "God's Dynamics: What's The Word?" where they offer devotional commentaries and share real-life family experiences designed to encourage, strengthen and enrich the lives of many. She and Samuel have two homes, one in the Poconos Mountains and one in New Jersey, where they live with their nine children. Visit her site at godsdynamics.com.

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Want to receive SpiritLed Woman by email? Sign up here 570 Shares ShareTweetEmailMore Wife, Your Attitude Can Either Reinforce or Hinder Your Husband 11:00AM EDT 7/6/2017 KAREN ELAINE STEWART Your words can either tear down or build up your husband. (Photo by Angelina Litvin on Unsplash) The SpiritLed Woman podcast is empowering women weekly to follow their purpose in Christ and boldly walk in faith. Listen at charismapodcastnetwork.com. My husband, Samuel, and I have been married now for more than 21 years. We fell in love in college, and we fell in love hard. I am so very grateful! The Lord gave us such a once-in-a-lifetime type of love, the kind of love that has its roots in eternity, that withstands the tests of times, and that has the Lord's hand and His Word intermingled and interwoven in the very fabric of our relationship. I thank the Lord because, truth be told, we are very far from being perfect. If it were not for the Lord, where would we be? We will never claim to have operated in perfection, especially when it comes to the maturation of ourselves and our marriage. Early in our marriage, people would comment that we looked so happy and didn't fight. That, of course was many moons ago, before we began our growth. We become very acquainted with the art of disagreement. We have gone through maturation periods that have stretched our faith, our trust and our very marriage. As a wife, I have run through the gamut of emotions. I have questioned myself, my worth, my relevance, my beauty, my appeal and my place, as well as my sanity. I was so busy fantasizing and idealizing, attempting to recreate the past of a mate, that in the beginning I robbed myself of appreciating and honoring the great person, husband, father, provider, man of God and man of integrity that my husband had become. It became many times like it says in Proverbs 27:15: "A continual dropping on a very rainy day and a contentious [having a tendency to argument or strife; quarrelsome] woman are alike." Picture that: It just doesn't stop. It keep pouring; it keeps storming. Wives, sometimes our "reminder," our "Why can't you? " or "Didn't you say you were going to do?" can eventually become a deluge for our husbands ... Our attitudes can either reinforce or hinder our husbands. Wives, our husbands can either be "broken" and dismantled, or validated and healed, by the words we speak into their lives. As the Bible tells us, we were created to be his "help meet." So the way I see it, every time a husband see his wife, he is to "meet help" and not hindrance. Proverbs 18:22 says we as wives are to be found a "good thing," someone favorable the Lord has given to our husbands. Therefore, we need to empower, elevate and show appreciation for our men, not emasculate them with our attitudes. Ecclesiastes 9:9 says, "Enjoy life with the wife whom you love all the days of your vain life which He has given you under the sun; because that is your reward in life and in your toil because you have labored under the sun." This article is an excerpt from The Be-Attitudes: Women and the Many Faces We Wear by Karen Elaine Steward. Copyright 2017 by Karen Elaine Stewart. Karen Elaine Stewart is a native of Jamaica, West Indies. She believes that family is the most precious of all gifts and has made her focus raising her children and assisting her husband, Samuel, in building their company. Along with her husband, she has founded the YouTube broadcasts "God's Dynamics: Family Building" and "God's Dynamics: What's The Word?" where they offer devotional commentaries and share real-life family experiences designed to encourage, strengthen and enrich the lives of many. She and Samuel have two homes, one in the Poconos Mountains and one in New Jersey, where they live with their nine children. Visit her site at godsdynamics.com. Readers are Leaders! Subscribe now and get 3 magazines for the price of 1. Get Charisma, Ministry Today and SpiritLed Woman all for $24. YES - Sign me up! 3 Reasons Why you should read Life in the Spirit. 1) Get to know the Holy Spirit. 2) Learn to enter God's presence 3) Hear God's voice clearly! Click here to draw closer to God!

Faithful - Now Think On This by Steve Martin

Faithful

Now Think On This

Steve Martin

“He was faithful to Him who appointed Him, as Moses also was in all His house.

(Hebrews 3:2-3, NASU)

Faithful. Now that is a word we don’t hear enough of these days when describing another, or when someone describes ourselves.

How often have you heard it being said of one, “He was faithful to his wife.” Or, “She kept her promises. If she said it, you can be sure she would do it. She was faithful to the end.”

So often we hear of the politician who said one thing before the election day, but once in office they seemed to have forgotten what they had spoken, and instead bend to the peer pressure surrounding them. Or the sad stories reported of school teachers taking advantage of their students, having sex with them, unfaithful both to their student and their commitment to teach truth.

It has been far too often that leadership has failed us. Out of their mouth has come one thing, but behind the scene it is discovered that unfaithfulness to their God and the people they were called to serve was the opposite of what picture was painted for the world to see. Disappointment may then come upon their followers, which then cause them to give up believing in anyone trustworthy. A cynical spirit is thus given a place to lodge in people’s hearts.

We have been called to be a witness of the Lord Jesus. He Who was faithful to the end, during His time on earth, and for all eternity, has too chosen and appointed us to be as He is – faithful and true.

“Thus says the Lord,

The Redeemer of Israel, their Holy One,

To Him whom man despises,

To Him whom the nation abhors,

To the Servant of rulers:

"Kings shall see and arise,

Princes also shall worship,

Because of the Lord who is faithful,

The Holy One of Israel;

And He has chosen You." Isaiah 49:7 NKJV

Our lives, demonstrated before the world, are to be ones proving the faithfulness of the One we serve. If we say we are going to do something, we must do it. If we commit to be there when we say we will, then we must be there. On time and ready for action.

The desire of the Lord’s child must be to someday hear Him speak to them the word He spoke in parable, “His lord said to him, 'Well done, good and faithful servant; you were faithful over a few things, I will make you ruler over many things. Enter into the joy of your lord.'” (Matthew 25:21-22 NKJV)

May it be said of us in our days that we are faithful, that we do what we will say we will do; that we keep our promises, no matter what the cost is to ourselves. May others say of us today, “They are faithful.”  And may our God say of us when we stand before Him on that day, “You are a good and faithful servant. Enter into the joy of your Lord.”

Now think on this,

Steve Martin

Founder

Love For His People, Inc.

P.S. I would be most grateful if you'd share this encouraging word with your family and friends. They might need it. You can easily use the social media icons below. Thanks! Steve

We are blessed when the ministry receives gifts to support the families that we do, primarily in Israel, India, Pakistan and the hurting ones here in the USA. You also can share out of the abundance you have been given.

Love For His People, Inc. is a charitable, not-for-profit USA humanitarian organization started in 2010 to share the love of the Father in the nations.

If these messages minister to you, please consider sending a charitable gift of $5-$25 today, and maybe each month, to help us bless families we know in Israel, whom we consistently help through our humanitarian ministry. Your tax deductible contributions receive a receipt for each donation. Fed. ID #27-1633858.

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Todah rabah! (Hebrew – Thank you very much.)

Please share Now Think On This with your friends.

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Now Think On This - In the New Year of our Lord 04.17.16 - #255 –“Faithful” – Sunday at 7:15 am

All previous editions of Now Think On This can be found on this Blog, and on the website: Now Think On This

Again, I would be most grateful if you'd share this encouraging word with your family and friends. You can easily use the social media icons below. Thanks! Steve

How to Deal With a Verbally Abusive Spouse - BILLY GRAHAM CHARISMA NEWS

What can I do about the harsh and hurtful things my husband says to me? (Charisma archives)

How to Deal With 

a Verbally Abusive Spouse

1/24/2016 BILLY GRAHAM CHARISMA NEWS

It is distressing to be on the receiving end of very cutting and abrupt comments that wound one's spirit.

Some people, for reasons known only to themselves, often speak to others in this manner. Sometimes a harsh and insensitive attitude shields a person who himself has been wounded by the remarks of others. In any case, we can understand the problems you are having. Remember that God loves you, and you are important in His sight. He loves you so much that He sent Christ to die for your sins.

As you focus on the fact that God loves you and considers you precious to Him, there will be a real difference in your life. Your sense of self-worth does not need to depend on the opinion of others.

Be sure you do not act toward your husband in the way he acts toward you. It is easy in a situation like yours to do just that. But that does not solve the problem—it only makes it worse. The Bible tells us, "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger" (Proverbs 15:1). It also says, "A wholesome tongue is a tree of life" (Proverbs 15:4). Affirm and support your loved one in your conversations. Your example may help him to learn to do the same for you. Read also Ephesians 4:29-32.

We would encourage you to find a time when you can speak frankly (and yet lovingly) with your husband. Perhaps he is not even aware you are hurt by the things he says, and although he may not be intentionally hurting you, he needs to be aware of your feelings.

Communication is important in a good marriage, and you and your husband need to learn to share your concerns (as well as your joys) with each other. Read 1 Corinthians, chapter 13, and Ephesians 5:28-29. Many couples have found the counsel of a Gospel-teaching pastor or Christian marriage counselor to be helpful in strengthening relationships and improving communication skills.

We would urge both you and your husband to examine your relationship with Christ. Have you committed your lives to Christ? Are you seeking to follow Him? If not, make that commitment now, and learn the joy of having Christ at the center of your marriage.

When a husband and wife are truly seeking to honor Christ, they will not want to hurt each other—quite the opposite, they will want to encourage each other. As you pray and learn from God's Word together, God will help both of you become the loving partners He wants you to be.

Let Jesus bring peace to your marriage—and your soul.

For a limited time, we are extending our celebration of the 40th anniversary of Charisma. As a special offer, you can get 40 issues of Charisma magazine for only $40!

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WATCH: What to Do in a Struggling Marriage - TONY DUNGY/ALL PRO DAD CHARISMA NEWS/NEW MAN

WATCH: What to Do in a Struggling Marriage

12/28/2015 TONY DUNGY/ALL PRO DAD  charisma news/new man

You may be there. Things at home are cold. There is a tension in the air.

You and your wife have been fighting for a long time. Feelings of hopelessness or even bitterness can quickly come flooding in. The last thing you want to do at the end of a hard day is sit in your driveway not wanting to go inside because you and your wife are at odds.

When you commit your life to someone, at some point you are going to go through rocky points in the relationship. People often look at me after 33 years of marriage and assume I have a marriage with no problems.

Believe me, over the course of time, we have had our share of struggles. Everything has not always been smooth. In particular, we have had plenty of disagreements. If you have a struggling marriage, this is what I would recommend.

Focus on What God Wants

The easy thing to do is to focus on what I want over what my spouse wants. I believe our natural state is one of selfishness. If Lauren and I are facing difficulty, we always try to focus on the Lord and what He wants above all. We ask ourselves the question, "How does God want us to handle this?" It helps us to get beyond our own desires and back on the same page. I would recommend that to anyone having marital trouble.

Prayer

I would also recommend watching a movie called War Room. In it, there is a couple who has a struggling marriage. It gives some great practical tips for praying for your marriage and how to fight for one another rather than against one another. When in doubt, turning toward the Lord is always the best.

For the original article, visit allprodad.com.

For a limited time, we are extending our celebration of the 40th anniversary of Charisma. As a special offer, you can get 40 issues of Charisma magazine for only $40!

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Happy Anniversary: Breaking the Generational Curse of Divorce - SHAWN A. AKERS CHARISMA MAGAZINE

Patty and me, Dec. 5, 1997. (Shawn and Patty Akers)

Happy Anniversary: Breaking the Generational Curse of Divorce

12/4/2015 SHAWN A. AKERS  CHARISMA MAGAZINE

Divorce is a generational curse that has haunted my family lineage. It takes more than two hands to count the couples on both sides—at least the ones of which I'm aware—who have been through the divorce ringer.

And yes, I can be counted among them.

But that is why I thank God every day for my wife, Patty. God has allowed us to break the generational curse of divorce on our family and bury it.

Patty is an incredible gift from God, and I'm tremendously grateful for her patience, her love and even her courage to put up with a wretch like me all of these years. It is my second marriage, and it has lasted for 18 years as of Saturday, Dec. 5. Where has the time gone?

I realize what many of you out there may be thinking. 1) By being divorced, you are breaking God's laws and committing adultery. Our readers have had a field day with this subject in past posts on charismamag.com, and I would hazard a guess that this one will draw a great deal of discussion as well. 2) How did you break the generational curse when you have been divorced yourself?

So, let me address both of the above thoughts:

First, indeed I am well aware of Matthew 5:31-32, when Jesus said, "It was said, 'Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.' But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to commit adultery. And whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery."

Indeed, Jesus never wavered on that point. There is no other scriptural reference to an acceptable divorce, save one. In 1 Corinthians 7:15-16, Paul writes, "But if the unbeliever departs, let that one depart. A brother or a sister is not bound in such cases. God has called us to peace. ... For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save your wife?"

Despite my efforts for more than a year to keep our marriage together, my ex-wife told me in no uncertain terms—in a letter no less—that she wanted a divorce. At the time of our divorce, I suspected my ex-wife had duped me for five years about her faith in Christ. I have since learned from her family that my suspicions weren't unfounded.

Therefore, I "let the unbeliever depart." I was not bound in my case. That has since been confirmed in my heart not only by God, but also by evangelist Jimmy Evans, who, along with his wife, have headed the marriage ministry of Marriage Today for nearly 35 years.

Most likely, my only alternative to preserve the marriage would have been to deny Christ. That would have been much worse than a divorce.

This brings me question No. 2, "How did you break the generational curse when you have been divorced yourself?" Several years ago, Patty and I participated in a deliverance ministry at our church called The Cleansing Stream. It is an eight-week series of classes that prepares and disciples participants to receive healing and deliverance.

During the final weekend retreat, both Patty and I, through the power of the Holy Spirit, broke the generational curse of divorce in our families. It is an ugly word and situation that our children, Rachel and Joshua, won't ever have to endure. We trust in God's wondrous promises.

For help in breaking generational curses, read this great article from marriage ministry pastor Larry Huch.

I am far from perfect. Because of my behavior, there are many times Patty could have demanded my departure from our home. But thank God that Patty has put up with me and that God has transformed me so much in our 18 years together. Our marriage has been prophesied over—that it continually will be bent and stretched—sometimes to the limit—but that it will never break. I revel in that prophecy.

I know many people who suffer through the same generational curse. But it doesn't have to be that way, and we do not have to put up with Satan's lies and deceptions about our marriages. On our charismamag.com site, there are many great articles by strong ministry leaders in both the Spirit-Led Woman and New Man sections that can help bolster your marriage and fight for it, even in the hard times. Please peruse both sections and read the great wisdom put forth from these ministry leaders.

So Saturday isn't simply another anniversary for an "old married couple" such as Patty and me. It is a celebration of longevity and the celebration of a continually broken generational curse that will never again haunt my family. I may not be an expert on marriage, but 18 years is a long time and I might have learned a thing or two.

Thank you, Patty, for your love and patience, and for being such a wonderful wife. You need to hear that more often; and you will. Through God's grace, our life together will keep getting better and better each year. Happy Anniversary, babe.

And praise You, Jesus, for broken generational curses.

"As the bird by flitting, as the swallow by flying, so the curse without cause will not alight (will have no effect)" (Prov. 26:2).

And as I always like to say, "there is that." 

Shawn A. Akers is the online managing editor at Charisma Media. He is a published poet and published a story about Dale Earnhardt in NASCAR Chicken Soup for the Soul. You can read his blog here. To sign up for his newsletter, "Step Out of the Boat," and other Charisma newsletters, click here. You can also listen to his podcasts, the Javelin Sports Show, on the Charisma Podcast Network.

For a limited time, we are extending our celebration of the 40th anniversary of Charisma. As a special offer, you can get 40 issues of Charisma magazine for only $40!

NEW - Life in the Spirit is your Spirit-filled teaching guide. Encounter the Holy Spirit, hear God speak to you, and enjoy timeless teachings on love, mercy and forgiveness.LEARN MORE!

Why I'm Glad I Married a Celibate 'Tim Tebow' - LEILANI HAYWOOD Charisma Magazine

My husband pledged himself to purity when he was 21-years-old. (Reuters)

Why I'm Glad I Married a Celibate 'Tim Tebow'

12/1/2015 LEILANI HAYWOOD Charisma Magazine

Former Miss Universe and Miss USA Olivia Culpo broke up with NFL star Tim Tebow because he reportedly wouldn't have sex with her. This has made the headlines but I believe she has no idea what she just squandered. She may be beautiful but sexually clueless.

Here's why I think she is sexually clueless:

Marrying a man who pledges himself to purity is an incredible adventure after you say "I do." I know because I married one. My husband, Jerome Haywood, pledged himself to purity when he was a brand new Christian at 21-years-old. He was a sexually active college athlete and knew that this area could be a stumbling block. He was zealous in his newfound faith and wanted to seek the kingdom of God first in every area of his life.

Jerome was a track star training to be a part of the U.S. Olympics team. He stopped pursuing the Olympic dream because he thought it was an idol. He kept that pledge to purity until he met me at 35-years-old. When I say he kept the pledge to purity, let me add that I was his first date after 13 years of celibacy. He was handsome, young and funny. There was nothing wrong with my husband and his friends had tried to set him up on blind dates. But Jerome also pledged not to date until he met his future wife.

Marrying a man who pledges himself to purity says that you're more valuable to him then temporary gratification. We're going into our 23rd year of marriage and I'm so glad that he waited for me. Jerome's season of waiting showed me and my sons how valuable I am to him.

Marrying a man who pledges himself to purity says that you have no competition. I had no competition on our wedding night and he had no baggage from past sexual relationships. There were no old girlfriends that I had to compete with or memories of past sexual escapades. We started with a clean slate.

I applaud Tim Tebow for taking a stand in this area. He is an example, with my husband, to my sons of a man who can commit himself to purity in the face of a sexually-obsessed culture. Ms. Culpo may get 10 seconds of notoriety for calling out his virginity but she has no idea the example she's setting for her future children or the girls that are watching her now.

I thank God that there was a man like Tim Tebow. I didn't think they existed. But I believe they are a lot of men like Tim and Jerome who have committed themselves to their future wives by taking a stand for purity now.

When we got married, we gave ourselves to each other without reservation. Our relationship with God was the foundation and today that foundation has stood the test of financial storms and raising a child with special needs. Tim is setting a strong foundation for his future wife.

Whoever that special amazing woman is in Tim's future will be well worth the wait. My husband showed me how he valued me by waiting for me. I thank God that I married a "Tim Tebow."

Leilani Haywood is the online editor for SpiritLed Woman and frequent contributor to Charisma. She is putting the finishing touches on her first book, Ten Keys to Raising Kids That Love God. When she isn't trying to find her purse, she is writing her next book. Follow her on Twitter or Facebook.

For a limited time, we are extending our celebration of the 40th anniversary of Charisma. As a special offer, you can get 40 issues of Charisma magazine for only $40!

NEW - Life in the Spirit is your Spirit-filled teaching guide. Encounter the Holy Spirit, hear God speak to you, and enjoy timeless teachings on love, mercy and forgiveness.LEARN MORE!

How to Recognize Signs of Insecurity in Your Wife - B.J. FOSTER/ALL PRO DAD CHARISMA NEWS

How to Recognize Signs of Insecurity in Your Wife

11/13/2015 B.J. FOSTER/ALL PRO DAD  charisma news

In my first year of marriage, I remember lying down on the couch and turning on the television, ready to unplug and relax. That's when my wife came in with a form she needed to fill out.

She started asking me questions about it. Slightly annoyed, I shot back one-word answers. That's when she got upset and told me she needed help. Escalating things, I shot back, "It's a simple form. Why would you need my help?" She ran out of the room, crying.

I was left there wondering what had just happened. I thought, "It's not like I'm smarter or know that stuff more than you. You don't need me. You got it. I just want to relax."

I couldn't understand why she was so adamant about my help or why she got so upset. Immediately, it came to my mind that when she was a kid she struggled with dyslexia. She overcame it, but the experience of not grasping things that seemed to come easily to her classmates left her with a deep insecurity.

The story she was telling herself was vastly different than what I was saying. She heard, "It's a simple form. You're stupid if you can't fill that simple form out. And yourstupidity is annoying me."

The signs of insecurity were there, but I missed them. If I had taken a moment to stop and consider why she wanted my help, it would have changed the entire evening. Her childhood wound was looking for my reassurance.

I could have provided healing, empowerment and security. Instead, I produced the opposite. Understanding our wives' insecurities will help us build them up rather than validate the untrue stories they tell themselves. Here are some common insecurities of our wives.

1. Measuring Up 

The Enjoli perfume commercial from the 1980s says, "I can hang the wash on the line, feed the kids, get dressed, pass out the kisses and get to work by 9 to 5. I can bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan and never let you forget you're a man."

Noted TED speaker Brene Brown while referencing that commercial said, "For women it's 'Do it all. Do it perfectly, and never let them see you sweat.'" She then went on to quip, "I don't know how much perfume that commercial sold, but I guarantee you it moved a lot of antidepressant and antianxiety meds." Women are mostly insecure about how they measure up, constantly comparing themselves with other women who they perceive as better. They feel as though they are never good enough. The following are different areas where this insecurity most prominently plays out.

"I'm not a good enough MOM." Many suffer from mom guilt. They feel like their kids got the short end of the stick because they are not good enough. The birthday party that isn't as good as their kid's friends', homemade Halloween costumes that aren't perfect, not knowing exactly what to say to make things OK, preparing meals, helping at school, being there and available to every need at all times are some of the things their brains obsess over. Comments and questions from us can feel like severe judgment.

"I'm not a good enough WIFE." The house is disorganized and messy. If they don't fulfill their husbands sexual desires, he will go elsewhere. They may see themselves as exceedingly needy, overly emotional or too (fill in the blank) to be married. Or they may feel as though they don't live up to your mother.

"I'm not beautiful enough." This one should come as no surprise. She feels like you fell in love with the way she looked when you met. When her looks or weight change, you will want to move on to someone else.

That story is deeply ingrained in many and may even cause them to dismiss compliments from their husbands to the contrary. That's why husbands even glancing at an attractive woman can set off fireworks. It's a subtle reinforcement in their minds that there is something better out there for their husband to chase.

"My opinion isn't valuable." Those who struggle with this one don't view themselves as smart as other people. It could stem from many sources, such as being shut down by people, particularly in childhood. They may have had controlling people around them in their life. Be mindful of cutting them off mid-sentence. Ask for their opinion and hear them out fully.

2. Worthiness of Love

Much of the insecurity I think is born out of this place. Many unfortunately think they are unworthy of love. They don't feel OK with who they are and live with the belief that when their husbands really come to know who they are, they won't want to be with them. This one creates an incredible amount of pain and brings with it a powerful defense mechanism. They may lash out and cut their husband off first to save themselves from rejection.

If your wife is being cold and distant, before assuming the worst, look for this one. She is probably protecting herself from some hurt. Maybe even from something that happened long before you even met.

B.J. Foster is the content manager for All Pro Dad and a married father of two. For the original article, visit allprodad.com.

For a limited time, we are extending our celebration of the 40th anniversary of Charisma. As a special offer, you can get 40 issues of Charisma magazine for only $40!

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What Is the 'Normal' Amount of Sex for Married Couples? - CHARISMA

Is this an issue for you? (iStock photo)

What Is the 'Normal' Amount of Sex for Married Couples?

10/29/2015 B.J. FOSTER/FOR ALLPRODAD.COM  charisma magazine

A while back, I was having dinner with a group of friends. Most were married, but there were a handful of singles. Somehow the discussion turned to the frequency of married sex.

The conversation was driven by the singles—ones that longed to eventually be married—who were curious. How many times a week? How many times a month? They had heard of married couples not having sex and couldn't imagine it. In fact, they couldn't imagine anything less than once a day.

Every married person laughed. The questions continued. I knew what they were after. Since each married person at the table had a strong marriage, they felt like we were a good measurement for what was "normal" and perhaps "healthy."

As we all looked at one another wondering who was going to answer them, I realized we were thinking the same thing. There was hesitancy to reveal for fear that maybe other couples have sex more and are happier.

Maybe our sex life is a problem, and we should be having it more frequently. It certainly isn't as frequent as it used to be. Maybe that means our marriage is headed in a bad direction.

Finally, I decided to say what I thought was true for most marriages or, at least, what was true of ours. I was a little surprised (and relieved) at how quickly the other married people agreed with me. I think most married couples struggle with this issue. So let's ask the questions "Do we have less sex than other married couples?" and "When does it become a problem?"

Is There a Normal Amount?

No. It depends on each individual couple. There may be an average amount, but no "normal." I have seen surveys suggesting an average frequency of sex for married couples to be around a couple of times a month (once every 7-10 days). That doesn't mean that this is a number to aspire to or judge your marriage upon. What is normal and overwhelming are marriages with at least one partner who doesn't think they are doing it enough.

The key to a healthy sexual marriage is finding a frequency that works for both of you. [Tweet This] It takes a sacrificial love for one another. Investment grows desire. One partner with a low sex drive may need to initiate, even when they don't feel like it. Interestingly, having sex regularly raises the level of testosterone which increases desire.

It's like exercising. The more it's done, the higher the desire becomes to do it. On the other hand, the other partner may need to sacrifice their expectations and sexual needs. There has to be a meeting somewhere in the middle. All of this comes down to communication and to understanding. Talk and listen to one another. Seek to know each other, serve each other and love before being loved.

When Does It Become a Problem?

The problem occurs when couples resent one another and look out for themselves, rather than sacrificing. When a couple has sex once in a several month time frame, it may indicate problems below the surface. The same surveys indicated that couples having more sex were more fulfilled in their marriages; however, it is difficult to determine what leads to what.

Does having more sex alone lead to greater marriage fulfillment or is it vice versa? It's actually probably both working together. The couple willing to put the other first and invest in one another's needs before their own, physically and emotionally, will have a deeper level of satisfaction in their relationship.

Sound Off: What challenges have you faced in this area? 

Huddle up with your wife and ask, "What was the most romantic night we've ever spent together?"

© 2015 All Pro Dad. All Rights Reserved. Family First, All Pro Dad, iMOM, and Family Minute with Mark Merrill are registered trademarks. Used with permission.

For a limited time, we are extending our celebration of the 40th anniversary of Charisma. As a special offer, you can get 40 issues of Charisma magazine for only $40!

NEW - Life in the Spirit is your Spirit-filled teaching guide. Encounter the Holy Spirit, hear God speak to you, and enjoy timeless teachings on love, mercy and forgiveness.LEARN MORE!