Dear family of friends,
This wasn’t quite what I had imagined. Was this the way it was supposed to turn out? I hadn’t thought so.
Sitting out here, hot, dry and thirsty, watching these creatures wasn’t what I had envisioned the way it would turn out. What about all those words received earlier? Why the sudden change from glory to glum? Whatever happened to the spectacular events that I had determined would be the outcome? After all, wasn’t that the way it was supposed to be?
I sat on the rock. Pondering. Wondering. Asking “what if” over and over again.
Not even a lone bird broke one streak of the summer sun beating down on this forsaken bit of earth. Seemed like this was going to be it. Not at all what I had expected. Or planned for.
As these thoughts rambled over and over again through my head, they also drifted back to what was reality just a few years ago. Second in line to the top man. Ready to use all my training to lead as I knew things should be. Prepared for the hour when everything was right for that stepping out and “do it” moment.
But it didn’t happen that way. My heart saw one thing. My eyes told another. I did what I thought was in my heart to do, and now this.
Sometimes I wonder if this was what Moses thought while sitting there, watching sheep. There isn’t much a shepherd can do out in a desert. Can you imagine, sitting there some 10-12 hours a day, day in and day out, with not much other stimuli going on around you. They must have been long, lonely days. Plenty of time to think such thoughts.
He probably kept beating himself mentally, asking where did he miss it. How did it turn out this way? What was to be seemed that it would not ever become.
What was God saying in all this? What was the purpose now, if not to be the leader of his people, the one to deliver them from their troubles? Why had he blown it, so it appeared?
Desert times are separation times. When there is nothing else that can be done, or ones to turn to for answers, we are meant to wait it out and hope for the best. We are given the opportunity to put our faith and trust into Someone beyond ourselves, our own abilities, our own understanding. We are asked to wait.
Moses didn’t know the end result of his waiting. He couldn’t imagine what the Lord was doing in his heart and spirit during this seemingly wasted time. Forty years of wasted time it looked like. He didn’t see the end result.
But as they say, our time is not His time. I am glad His time is eternity. He knows the end after the beginning.
Ahava to my family of friends,
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Ahava Love Letter #27 Date: June 21, in the year of our Lord 2011