How to Keep Falling in Love - HALEE SHULTS CHARISMA MAGAZINE

What creates godly soul ties, friendships and relationships that last a lifetime? (iStockPhoto | MediaPhoto)

How to Keep Falling in Love

1/19/2016 HALEE SHULTS   CHARISMA MAGAZINE

"It's very easy to fall in love, but it's much harder to stay falling."

There's an old saying that goes: "Guys fall in love through their eyes and girls through their ears," hence the reason why women obsess over their looks and mannerisms, while guys flip between deciding if they are the funny one or the musician. I recently finished a book called, Keep Your Love On by Danny Silk. (It's fantastic for anyone considering it on their book list!) In it, he talked about all the pre-marital counseling sessions during which he asked each one of the couples what they liked about the other. Sadly to say, many of their answers revolved around what the other person does for them. "She makes me feel good about myself." "He makes me laugh."

Driving on my way home tonight, I realized something that I may never have the ability to capture elegantly into words, but it hit something deep inside of my soul. I was thinking about what makes people connect? What creates soul ties, friendships and relationships that last a lifetime? Researchers have spent billions of dollars trying to find the answers to these questions, suggesting that we change our relationships every seven years. It hit me in a single moment; the difference between temporary and permanent relationships lie in the connection to character.

When you peel back all the layers of a human being, their responses to every circumstance completely hinge on their character. I've heard it said that every response that happens in life, stems from what happens on your insides between your collarbone and your waistline. You character, whether good or bad, is unshakeable. It can be trained, molded and damaged, but when the storms come, that's where you see what's below all those layers. While some may argue me, I believe that after a certain age—your character is the same yesterday, today and forever.

I realized, something shifts when we fall in love with someone's character. We devote ourselves to supporting that person's core, not just what they can bring to and for us. Looks, money, status and people—they change, leave or diminish in the ebb and flow of life. However, our response to those things, does not change. Connecting to that core is something so spiritual and nearly ineffable; you understand your partner past what they can explain to you. You can learn to work like a well-oiled machine as a team rather than two individuals walking in different directions at different paces, wanting different things.

Now for those of you who know me—my digging didn't stop there. Those words, "unchangeable ... the same, today, tomorrow and yesterday," they kept playing in an attempt to connect to other concepts until finally it landed on, "In the beginning, God ... ." As you read through Scripture, you will never find a true description of what God looks like. He likens some of His quality to ours but guess what ... our understanding of God is based on what we see in His character. So in the beginning, God breathed His character into us, so that we might reflect His. I wanted to lay on the ground at this point.

I began to think about what God's character is, and some of the dots began to connect. John says that God is love, so naturally the next question would be: "What is love?" We've heard this a million times, but read the next few lines as if love is God and not a feeling": "God is patient and kind. He does not envy, boast, or act proudly. He does not dishonor people, act selfishly, keep track of screw ups or get riled into anger easily. He seeks truth, rather than anything that brings harm or disconnection. He always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and never gives up." I'd say that sounds about right.

I played over the story of the Garden of Eden in my mind. The problem was never about them eating the fruit. It was about the fact that they hid, lied, broke trust and acted in the exact opposite of everything God stands for! Imagine how He would've responded if they owned what they did and asked for forgiveness; if they had protected His character and His honor? They produced the first trait of bad character into a creation that God had breathed Himself into and made perfect. How can such purity mix with something so destructive? So we left Him no choice but to break His Spirit from ours.

I wondered what that felt like? I can only liken it to losing a relationship with someone whom you trust completely and who protects and supports your character and honor while you protect theirs. They walk away from you, leaving you brokenhearted, only to fall into the arms of another. You watch them walk into a relationship with someone who does not value them and who always seeks to fulfill themselves—sucking any life they might have had, right out of them.

We walk throughout this life, trying to fill the void with things and people. Our choices are typically based on what will keep our hearts "safe" because since that moment in the garden, we have feared being lied to or deceived again. We're left with a hole where God's Spirit once was and no matter how hard try, it's never enough to fill up that emptiness.

It's kind of interesting ... this journey began for me when someone said, "I think when you've experienced love, you've experienced God." Guess what ... true love (among every type of relationship), is unconditional—which means it's is unchanging yesterday, today and forever. You don't have to earn it; you just have to value it. Adam and Eve valued hiding their vulnerable selves in order to "look" like there was nothing wrong. They valued covering themselves with leaves doused with fear and shame, rather seeking to work through a tough situation and restoring their relationship. In the end, their reflection of God's character, or lack thereof, is what destroyed their relationship with Him.

We must want to connect with something that is unchangeable. Find the courage to connect with His character, knowing He will never disappoint! When you fall in love, the way you keep falling is to love their core, and always protect their honor and character. If we seek to reflect His character, and restore that spiritual relationship with Him, while learning to love each other unconditionally, we build a kingdom that is unshakeable.

Halee Shults has a degree in family science and currently resides in Kansas City, Missouri. She's loves studying how the physical and spiritual realms collide.

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Why Women Need Each Other by BRENDA KILPATRICK AND DOTTY SCHMITT - SPIRITLED WOMAN

Why Women Need Each Other

 5/21/2015 BRENDA KILPATRICK AND DOTTY SCHMITT  charisma magazine

God is moving women to the forefront in every area of leadership. Many of them are being equipped and empowered through their relationships with other women. (Charisma archives)

I was also easily intimidated. And I knew of no books that could teach me to be a good pastor's wife. Not even the annual conferences we attended provided the practical guidance I needed. Wearing the different hats a pastor's wife must put on left me stressed and fatigued, especially when complaints and discord resounded throughout the congregation.

If only I had had a mentor, colleague or confidante to help and encourage me through the early days of ministry!

MENTORING IN ACTION (DOTTY) During the years I have learned that we can be mentored by many women in many different ways. There is a mother of eight children who continues to inspire me in the area of motherhood. There are those whose marriages provide me with effective tools for my own marriage. There are pastors' wives who, as my peers, have been rich sources of hope and encouragement in my times of discouragement. Then there are those women whose passion for the Lord and revelation in the Word have deeply inflamed my heart to follow Him more intensely.

I remember sitting in a women's gathering several years ago at which Iverna Tompkins was speaking. As she taught on a specific Old Testament passage, such revelation pierced my own soul that I sat there thinking, As a Bible teacher and woman with leadership responsibilities, I want to learn from this woman of God.

When my dear friend, Jean Coleman, and I discussed a "mentoring possibility" with Iverna after the meeting, something beautiful and life-changing was birthed. Every year for eight years, a group of about 25 to 40 women met with Iverna for one week of in-depth teaching, training and interaction with one another. For one week we lived, ate, prayed, laughed, cried and learned together.

These were such blessed times! Many of us formed relationships that have forever enriched our lives, expanded our vision and empowered the fulfillment of God's call upon our lives.

NEED FOR NURTURING (BRENDA) Recently the Lord gave me a dream that made clear to me how great the need for mentoring is. In the dream I saw a young woman take a newborn baby out into a field and place it in a ravine filled with flowing water. I knew the woman had left the baby to die, so I went over to see if I could save it.

The baby was naked, with the placenta still attached and blood covering its body because it had not been cleansed after birth. Even more horrifying, it had a plastic bag over its head. Moved with compassion, I picked the baby up and pulled the bag away from its head. When I did, the baby began to cry. It was alive!

At that point the dream ended. When I awoke, I realized that the woman in the dream was a member of our church.

I asked the Lord to help me understand what He had showed me, and He revealed that the baby represented the ministry and gifting that had been birthed in the woman's life. Because she did not know how to nurture it, she was stifling it.

I could easily see how the dream applied to the woman in our church. She had a brilliant gifting in the knowledge of the Lord, but because of a lack of maturity, she often offended people by her forceful presentation and her constant desire to "give a word from the Lord."

She was pregnant with the purposes of God but lacked understanding and had not spent enough time in God's waiting room. I knew God was showing me her need--and by association, the need of many other women in the body of Christ--for a mentor.

YIELDED VESSELS (DOTTY) During the recent years of the fresh moving of God's Spirit, a number of women in leadership from around the country have touched the "revival rivers" that have been flowing and have received a deeper impartation of God's life into our hearts. In the process, we have been impressed, as Brenda was by her dream, by the obvious need of Christian women for the love, guidance and encouragement of other women. Sovereignly, the Lord has knit our hearts together in love for Him, for one another and in a special way, for women.

Our message to women everywhere has become that they, too, can be vessels of great influence if they but yield to Him. God is not looking for "strong pulpit" women; He is looking for yielded women who will say, "Yes, Lord, here I am, use me!"

MARYS AND ELIZABETHS (BRENDA) Mary, the mother of Jesus, was such a woman. In Luke 1, we read about Mary and her cousin Elizabeth, who both were pregnant with the purposes of God. When an angel appeared to Mary and told her that she would give birth to the Messiah, she did not hesitate to accept God's plan for her life. She said, "Behold the maidservant of the Lord! Let it be to me according to your word" (Luke 1:38, NKJV).

Mary also acknowledged what the angel told her about Elizabeth's being with child by going to stay with her cousin for a time. Elizabeth confirmed Mary's announcement of her conception and thus encouraged Mary to believe that what the angel had prophesied to her would come to pass.

I believe God is calling the younger women in the body of Christ today to be like Mary, willing to abandon themselves completely to Him and saying yes to His will no matter how it might affect their reputations.

He is calling the mature women to be like Elizabeth, pregnant with the purposes of God and giving birth to the ministry of "preparing the way of the Lord" for the young Marys who are coming forth. They are to be forerunners, the "older women" Paul speaks about who are willing to "admonish the young women" to love their husbands and children and live godly lives (Titus 2:3-5).

This is what I want to be! My constant prayer during this season of my life is: "O God, You have taught me from my youth; and to this day I declare Your wondrous works. Now also when I am old and grayheaded, O God, do not forsake me, until I declare Your strength to this generation, Your power to everyone who is to come" (Ps. 71:17-18).

Whether you are young or old in the Spirit, remember: It is as we joyfully love God and then humbly serve, nurture and encourage one another that we as women will become deeply envisioned, equipped and empowered to serve the purposes of God for this generation and become the nurturing mothers and anointed mentors God intends. * Dotty Schmitt is co-pastor with her husband, Charles, of Immanuel Church in Silver Spring, Maryland.

Read a companion devotional.

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Brenda Kilpatrick serves with her husband John of John Kilpatrick Ministries. Dotty Schmitt is founding pastor, along with her husband Charles, of Immanuel's Church. Both women travel and minister at churches and conferences around the country.

5 Ways to Stop Strife in an Instant - SpiritLed Woman

5 Ways to Stop Strife in an Instant

 4/7/2015 ROSILIND JUKIC  charisma magazine  spiritled woman

Jesus gave us an example of how to be a peacemaker in the middle of conflict. (Charisma archives)

That familiar sick feeling sank in my stomach. Actually, it felt more like someone had just punched me in the stomach and then sent an elephant to sit on my chest.

My shoulders sank under the weight that I had felt so many times before.

It seemed to me that the very moment I thought I had moved on from the hurt and disappointment, something would propel me back to square one where I was forced to work through it all over again.

Will this ever stop? Will this person ever stop hurting me?

To find answers we have to ask the right questions.

"Will this ever stop? Will this person ever stop hurting me?" aren't questions that can be answered. However, we can answer the question "How many times do I have to forgive?"

Actually, this question has been both asked and answered before. Peter asked the question, and Jesus answered him in Matthew 18. Actually, the whole chapter is worth examining because the entire chapter deals with how we resolve conflicts.

Most people skip past verses 1-14, focusing only on verses 15-17 for biblical conflict resolution. But that is step 4. If you skip steps 1-3 and fail to do step 5, you will have the whole process out of balance!

5 Things Jesus Taught Us  About Conflict Resolution

1. We need humility. Matthew 18 opens with the disciples asking Jesus about who will be greatest in the kingdom of heaven. Jesus' answer likely surprised them—maybe even disappointed a little—when He told them that they had to have the humility of a little child.

Oftentimes, when people talk about this familiar passage, they stop there. But Jesus went on to say that if anyone causes a child to sin, it would be better for that they be drowned in the sea. What is He saying?

He is saying that the kingdom of heaven first of all requires humility. This is a basic requirement for living the Christian life! When we fail to walk in humility, many of our actions, choices and words will not only be offensive, they will cause us to stumble in our own walk with the Lord.

Proverbs warns, "Pride comes before destruction and a haughty spirit before a fall." Pride is what caused Lucifer to be cast from heaven. It is dangerous to the believer!

2. Offenses will come. If we suppose we can walk through this life and never be offended, we are living in a fairy tale. The question isn't whether or not we'll ever be offended, but how will we deal with that offense. However, Jesus warned us that it is a serious and dangerous thing to offend someone. He said, "For offenses must come, but woe to that man by whom the offense comes."

While He was talking within the context of children, there is a broader context that we see in this whole chapter—and that context is the body of Christ. Believers.

Dear saints, we must remember two things:

a) We will be offended. It will happen. We shouldn't be surprised when it does.

b) We must live our lives in a serious manner because it is a serious thing to offend another believer or cause them to fall!

3. Jesus still loves the believer who has fallen and we need to love them too. The parable of the Great Shepherd who searches for the lost sheep is most often shared in context of Jesus searching for lost souls. But this is an incorrect context! The sheep was already part of the fold, but became lost.

Jesus shares this story in context of a believer who has fallen away!

The sheep wandered off and got lost, just as believers sometimes wander off into sin. It's painful to the whole body when a believer falls into sin! But what should our response be?

Many times the response is gossip thinly disguised as a "prayer request." Other times, for whatever reason, we fail to reach out them and try to restore them. Yet this is our responsibility as the body of Christ, to restore a fallen brother.

How do we do this?

4. There is a biblical approach to offense and restoration. One thing that often disturbs me is how often conflict is aired over the Internet, on blogs and social media. What is worse is Christians' response. It's like they grab a bowl of popcorn and enjoy the show. This is not only a bad testimony, it is a destructive to the body!

Jesus said that there is a 4-step process:

a) Go to him alone and confront him. Don't tell anyone else! Not disguised as a prayer request or in any other way. Jesus said, "go and tell him his fault between you and him alone."

b) If he won't listen, take with you one or two more. Don't slander him. Don't write him off. Try again, and this time with one or two trusted believers who know how to keep a confidence and intercede for a lost soul.

c) If he still won't listen, tell it to the church. Why should we tell it to the church? The body needs to know how they can intercede on behalf of one of their own to see healing and restoration. This isn't about shaming a member. It is about giving the whole body an opportunity to pray and intercede for a member who has fallen away. It is about love and grace!

d) If he stubbornly refuses to listen to the church, he must be a heathen and tax collector. This final step is a drastic measure that is taken in hope that by being cut off from the fellowship two things will happen. 1. The rebellious man in his sin will not infect and defile the body and 2. This separation will be a strong enough move to bring him to a place of broken repentance.

e) The body continues to intercede. Many times churches stop at the 4th step and never move on. But Jesus never gives up on looking for the lost sheep, so the body should not give up on interceding for the member who has fallen into sin!

5. Forgiveness is bottomless, grace is endless. We cannot neglect this final instruction by Jesus about conflict, but sadly we often do. A believer, or group of believers, fall into sin or initiate conflict in the body and the Matthew 18 principle is followed to resolve conflict, the offending member or members are removed from the body and those who are left are hurt and wounded because a part of the body has had to be cut off.

It's painful!

And many times that pain is felt over and over if the offending party continues in their sin, fights back, or if the body refuses to forgive and makes an example or subject of gossip of the fallen brother.

The only way to move past that pain is continue reading to the end of the chapter.

Peter approaches Jesus with a question that most—if not all—have asked at one time or another. "But what if this person just keeps offending me over and over and over? At what point am I no longer obligated to forgive?"

Jesus' answer is simple: "You're always obligated to forgive ... from the heart."

He goes on to share a sobering story about the servant who had been forgiven an amount that he would never be able to repay in a whole lifetime, but in turn refused to forgive someone else a paltry sum of money.

The master who had forgiven him said these important words that Jesus says to us today: "Should you not also have had compassion on your fellow servant [fellow man], just as I had pity on you?"

Dear saints, we must, must, must forgive fully.

We must, must, must forgive every time.

We must allow the grace of Christ to come and so fill our hearts with love for those in the body who have offended us that the pain, judgment, negativity and condemnation toward them are removed ... and in place of that is a deep, deep supernatural love and compassion!

If we have not come to this place, we have not yet forgiven.

And if we fail to complete step 5, we are in violation of step 1.

We are walking in pride. Our pride will lead us to violate step 2. We will become an offense to the body! Our pride will lead us to fall ...

... and the judgment with which we judged when we failed to forgive fully and from the heart will be turned against us.

This is why full and complete forgiveness is so important to the body!

Rosilind Jukic, a Pacific Northwest native, is a missionary living in Croatia and married to her Bosnian hero. Together they live in the country with their two active boys where she enjoys fruity candles, good coffee and a hot cup of herbal tea on a blustery fall evening. Her passion for writing led her to author her best-selling book The Missional Handbook. 

At A Little R & R she encourages women to find contentment in what God created them to be. You can also find her at Missional Call, where she shares her passion for local and global missions. She can also be found at on a regular basis. You can follow her on Facebook, Twitter,Pinterest and Google +.

Who Will Rise Up Against the Wicked? ANNE GRAHAM LOTZ

Who Will Rise Up Against the Wicked?

10/21/2014 ANNE GRAHAM LOTZ   CHARISMA MAGAZINE

Christians gather to pray for Houston pastors. ((Pray for the Pastors of Houston Facebook page))

Who will rise up for me against the wicked?  Who will take a stand for me against evildoers?  Psalm 94:16

"...If the church doesn't wake up now and stand and fight there IS no church in America. This is the red line. It has been crossed. When I read about this I immediately thought THIS IS RIGHT OUT OF MY BONHOEFFER BOOK."

So wrote Eric Metaxas on October 18, 2014 in an email exchange that included me. He is the author of the NY Times bestselling biography, Bonhoeffer, which describes the heroic stand of one pastor against the rise of the Third Reich in Nazi Germany. Eric was voicing his outrage over what he had just read concerning the subpoenas issued by the Houston mayor's office to five Houston pastors. 

Mayor Parker has demanded that the pastors turn over to her office their private papers in 17 different categories, including sermons, "speeches," phone or private conversations that in any way touch on homosexuality, the mayor herself, and the city ordinance concerning transgender people using public restrooms.

The subpoenas were clearly issued to intimidate not just the five pastors on whom they were served, but every pastor and Christian leader in Houston and beyond.  The message was clear.  If you oppose the lesbian/bisexual/gay/transgender community or agenda in any way, you will pay.

Eric further urged every Christian leader to send the mayor a Bible.  And Governor Mike Huckabee has urged every pastor to send her their own sermons.  So...I have written a note to Mayor Annise Parker, City Hall, 901 Bagby Street, Houston, Texas 77002, telling her that God loves her, that I am praying for her, and urging her to read the Bible I included with my note.  Although I am not a pastor, I also sent her a copy of the "speech" I delivered at the Official Observance of the National Day of Prayer in Washington, DC. , calling on people to repent of their sin, cry out to the Lord...for the Day of the Lord is near; it will come like destruction from the Almighty.  Joel 1:14-15 

I agree with Eric Metaxas. The red line has been crossed. Persecution of God's people has begun. In response to the question the Lord voices in Psalm 94:16, I want to answer clearly, I will!

Will you?

Anne Graham Lotz is the founder of AnGeL Ministries. She is also the author of several books.

Treasure Every Moment With Your Earthly Father - LEONARD R. DAVIDSON

Cherish every moment you can with your earthly father. (iStock photo)

Treasure Every Moment With Your Earthly Father

 6/8/2014 LEONARD R. DAVIDSON

Over thirty-three years ago, my paternal grandfather passed away. We called him Paw Paw and my dad loved him very much. 

Paw Paw loved to listen to his "45" of Tennessee Ernie Ford on his console record player and walked through the house singing at the top of his lungs. He had a lava lamp on top of the TV and an old fashioned cuckoo clock on the wall. Even with thick coke-bottle glasses he still had to use a magnifying glass to read his Bible, which he did the first thing every morning and the last thing every night. He loved Jesus with all of his heart. In church he would "amen" after almost every sentence.

Paw Paw died suddenly from a massive heart attack while at work. He was 80 years old. I remember my dad hugging me and saying, "I hope I can make it without him. I talked to him so often. I already miss him ..."

My grandmother, Dad's mom, was 10 years younger than my grandfather and we called her Gran Gran. They got married when she was 16 and were married for 54 years. Gran Gran was so special. She was a hairdresser (we called them "beauticians" back then), and always smelled like the solution she used when she gave permanents. Every night she would rub lotion on her hands, and it was a treat for each grandchild to sit next to her and let her rub the extra (by design I think) on our hands. We argued to see who would sit next to her at church, because she always held the hand of the child sitting next to her.

One time, when I was very young, I got in trouble while my family was visiting her home. I ran into the kitchen where she was cooking, and hid behind her skirt. She turned and looked at my dad and said firmly, "Ramon Eldon, you are not going to spank this boy in my house!" Right then I thought that it might be a very good thing if we moved in with her permanently. 

Although he traveled all over the world, Dad never missed a day calling her, and when she died at 96 my dad was holding her soft sweet hand. For many weeks after she went to heaven, Dad caught himself picking up the phone to call her. He loved her deeply.

May of 2010, shortly before Father's Day, Dad stepped onto the shores of heaven. Many sermons have been preached, and many songs sung about a saint who has gone home wanting to see Jesus first. You know, I believe our Savior is so gracious that He looked at my dad and said, "Go hug your mom and dad. Visit with them. Catch up. You and I have eternity together." And Dad would do just that. He would hug the two people he had loved more than words could say.

While he was here I talked to him every day. In the last four years of his life he spent many days sitting on his recliner praying for me. Every time I talked to him he finished our conversation by saying, "I love you Leonard ... with all of my heart!"

Someone said that my dad lost his battle with cancer, but Dad lost no battle. My dad loved Jesus deeply. Fervently. Passionately.

Paul declares in 1 Corinthians 15:54 that "when this mortal is clothed with immortality ... death has been swallowed up in victory" (HCSB, emphasis added).Jesus said in John 11:25-26 that He is the resurrection and the life. If we believe in Him we will never die. Today, Dad would declare that, "to be alive was Christ ... but to die is so much better."

 A man who is one of my dearest friends and mentors has expressed often that we should give honor to whom honor is due. So, please understand when I would say, "Dad, this devotion was written to honor you. Well done, brave Warrior. You finished strong. You were my best friend. I miss you more than words could express. You finished well. I love you ... with all of my heart!"

This Father's Day, treasure the time you have with your earthly father. Embrace the wonderful memories and discard any negative ones and the emotions attached to them. Let the God of all comfort remind you of His great love and if your father is now in His presence, know that you will be reunited and spend eternity enjoying both.

Prayer Power for the Week of 6/9/2014

As we approach Father's Day this week, take time to thank God that He is eternally our Heavenly Father and will never leave or forsake us. Thank Him that He's promised to be a father to the fatherless, and the One who takes us in even if our natural fathers and mothers forsake us. Pray for those who have lost their dads through death, divorce or abandonment, and take time to honor yours if he is still available, and his memory, if he's not. Pray for our military and their families, especially those dads currently away from home. Continue to pray that believers would work and pray together for revival in our nation and the expanding of God's kingdom. Remember Israel and pray that our leaders would have wisdom in dealing with the issues affecting the nation and the world. Psalm 27:10; Psalm 68:5; Heb 13:5b; John 11:25  

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