Showing posts with label All Pro Dad. Show all posts
Showing posts with label All Pro Dad. Show all posts

Friday, April 15, 2016

5 Ways to Face Financial Problems With Resolve - BJ FOSTER/ALL PRO DAD CHARISMA MAGAZINE

David Akers (Facebook)
David Akers walked into the kitchen to finally tell his wife. Feeling weak, he had to put his hand on the counter to hold himself up.
That's when she asked, "What's wrong? You have been acting weird the past couple of days." What she didn't know was that the money was gone.
Akers was in his ninth year as a kicker with the Philadelphia Eagles and had gone to three Pro Bowls. He had earned millions of dollars. Several days before, he had received a call from the FBI. Although he had done his due diligence and sought the advice from wise business experts prior, the money he had invested with Triton Financial to purchase real estate had been illegally diverted by the company's chief executive. Now eight years of NFL salary, close to $4 million, was gone.
Fortunately, Akers has a wife who cares more about relationships than she does about material things. While losing that amount of money hurts, a strange look of relief came over her face. She said, "Thank God. I thought you were going to say you were leaving me or something. As long as we are together, we will be fine."
That unique perspective has helped them approach each day from a position of strength rather than fear. It is my pleasure to announce that David Akers, a married father of three, has become an All Pro Dad NFL Spokesman. Here are five thoughts that helped him face his financial problems with courage and resolve.
'Look Forward and Lead'
When hard times hit, a person can dwell on the past or move forward. As a husband and father, Akers had to set the tone for the family. It was time to embrace a new day. Things may look different for them now, but that certainly doesn't mean that they will be worse. The future may feel less secure, but he has chosen to move forward and lead the way with faith and hope. That type of approach has a major impact on the well-being of each family member.
'We Always Want a Little Bit More'
We tend to think, "If only I had (insert object of value), I would be content." However, once we get that thing, we want something else. The more we get, the more we want, never grateful for what we have. The cycle has to stop somewhere. Better to stop it now, rather than later.
'We Have Our Family'
When something traumatic happens, it makes you remember what is truly important. The key to a full life is found in relationships. Material wealth is temporal while relationships are eternal.
'Time to Swallow My Pride and Downsize'
The whole experience was humbling for Akers. Money and fame bring a feeling of status and accomplishment. That was another thing that was lost. Pride will cause a person to make bad decisions that have repercussions for the whole family. Fortunately for David's family, he took the road of humility.
'It's Not My Money'
Right before he received the call from the FBI, Akers and his wife had been praying about giving a sizable amount of money to needy families. They had committed to that decision the day before the call came. They believe that the money they have is provided by God and, therefore, not theirs. So even after the huge loss, they still followed through on their commitment. Their faith in God's provision gives them courage and freedom.
BJ Foster is the content manager for All Pro Dad and a married father of two.
For the original article, visit allprodad.com.
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Friday, November 20, 2015

How to Recognize Signs of Insecurity in Your Wife - B.J. FOSTER/ALL PRO DAD CHARISMA NEWS

Can you recognize your wife's insecurities? How do you handle them?
New Man
In my first year of marriage, I remember lying down on the couch and turning on the television, ready to unplug and relax. That's when my wife came in with a form she needed to fill out.
She started asking me questions about it. Slightly annoyed, I shot back one-word answers. That's when she got upset and told me she needed help. Escalating things, I shot back, "It's a simple form. Why would you need my help?" She ran out of the room, crying.
I was left there wondering what had just happened. I thought, "It's not like I'm smarter or know that stuff more than you. You don't need me. You got it. I just want to relax."
I couldn't understand why she was so adamant about my help or why she got so upset. Immediately, it came to my mind that when she was a kid she struggled with dyslexia. She overcame it, but the experience of not grasping things that seemed to come easily to her classmates left her with a deep insecurity.
The story she was telling herself was vastly different than what I was saying. She heard, "It's a simple form. You're stupid if you can't fill that simple form out. And yourstupidity is annoying me."
The signs of insecurity were there, but I missed them. If I had taken a moment to stop and consider why she wanted my help, it would have changed the entire evening. Her childhood wound was looking for my reassurance.
I could have provided healing, empowerment and security. Instead, I produced the opposite. Understanding our wives' insecurities will help us build them up rather than validate the untrue stories they tell themselves. Here are some common insecurities of our wives.
1. Measuring Up 
The Enjoli perfume commercial from the 1980s says, "I can hang the wash on the line, feed the kids, get dressed, pass out the kisses and get to work by 9 to 5. I can bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan and never let you forget you're a man."
Noted TED speaker Brene Brown while referencing that commercial said, "For women it's 'Do it all. Do it perfectly, and never let them see you sweat.'" She then went on to quip, "I don't know how much perfume that commercial sold, but I guarantee you it moved a lot of antidepressant and antianxiety meds." Women are mostly insecure about how they measure up, constantly comparing themselves with other women who they perceive as better. They feel as though they are never good enough. The following are different areas where this insecurity most prominently plays out.
"I'm not a good enough MOM." Many suffer from mom guilt. They feel like their kids got the short end of the stick because they are not good enough. The birthday party that isn't as good as their kid's friends', homemade Halloween costumes that aren't perfect, not knowing exactly what to say to make things OK, preparing meals, helping at school, being there and available to every need at all times are some of the things their brains obsess over. Comments and questions from us can feel like severe judgment.
"I'm not a good enough WIFE." The house is disorganized and messy. If they don't fulfill their husbands sexual desires, he will go elsewhere. They may see themselves as exceedingly needy, overly emotional or too (fill in the blank) to be married. Or they may feel as though they don't live up to your mother.
"I'm not beautiful enough." This one should come as no surprise. She feels like you fell in love with the way she looked when you met. When her looks or weight change, you will want to move on to someone else.
That story is deeply ingrained in many and may even cause them to dismiss compliments from their husbands to the contrary. That's why husbands even glancing at an attractive woman can set off fireworks. It's a subtle reinforcement in their minds that there is something better out there for their husband to chase.
"My opinion isn't valuable." Those who struggle with this one don't view themselves as smart as other people. It could stem from many sources, such as being shut down by people, particularly in childhood. They may have had controlling people around them in their life. Be mindful of cutting them off mid-sentence. Ask for their opinion and hear them out fully.
2. Worthiness of Love
Much of the insecurity I think is born out of this place. Many unfortunately think they are unworthy of love. They don't feel OK with who they are and live with the belief that when their husbands really come to know who they are, they won't want to be with them. This one creates an incredible amount of pain and brings with it a powerful defense mechanism. They may lash out and cut their husband off first to save themselves from rejection.
If your wife is being cold and distant, before assuming the worst, look for this one. She is probably protecting herself from some hurt. Maybe even from something that happened long before you even met.
B.J. Foster is the content manager for All Pro Dad and a married father of two. For the original article, visit allprodad.com.
For a limited time, we are extending our celebration of the 40th anniversary of Charisma. As a special offer, you can get 40 issues of Charisma magazine for only $40!
NEW - Life in the Spirit is your Spirit-filled teaching guide. Encounter the Holy Spirit, hear God speak to you, and enjoy timeless teachings on love, mercy and forgiveness.LEARN MORE!

Friday, September 25, 2015

How to Win the Battle of Sexual Temptation

How do you fight the battle of sexual temptation?

How do you fight the battle of sexual temptation? (iStock photo )

How to Win the Battle of Sexual Temptation


New Man
When World War I broke out, new military technologies were brought to the battlefields. Tragically, military leaders continued to use outdated strategies leading to catastrophic outcomes.
Open-field charges of enemy position may have worked in the 19th century, but in the new era of the machine gun, it was a disaster. War became more complex and new fighting techniques needed to be adopted.
Our world continues to change every day requiring us to adapt, particularly with technology. One of the biggest dangers to marriages is in the area of sexual temptation. It leads to relational issues and, too often, failed marriages.
This has been true throughout history. However, changing definitions of appropriate clothing and the emerging media-saturated culture filled with sexually charged images have made the battlefield more complex.
Recently, All Pro Dad Founder Mark Merrill spoke with Steve Arterburn, author of Every Man's Battle: Winning the War on Sexual Temptation One Victory at a Time. Mr. Arterburn has counseled numerous men and women on this issue on the front lines. He shared with us some important ways of fighting temptation that will lead to more fulfilling relationships.
Here's how to win the battle:
Building Restraint
Fighting temptation starts by building the discipline of restraint. Those who desire to resist sexual temptation must possess the ability to deny themselves instant pleasures. That ability doesn't just appear, it needs to be built. Think about it like training for a marathon. No one can run twenty-six miles without doing many smaller distance runs that lead up to it. Eventually, muscles and endurance are strengthened for the longer runs. Building up the ability to resist sexual temptation starts with practicing small denials.
Consistent small acts of discipline become habits that form strong character.
Control Your Eyes
Images you view will form a photo album or video library in your brain. The more time you spend looking at something the more those pictures become vividly clear and permanent. That library profoundly affects our feelings and attitudes, particularly about our spouses. It becomes easy to compare them to the images we house. Practice the discipline of bouncing your eyes away from things that awaken sexual desire apart from your spouse. Reserve those looks for what belongs to you—your wife. Looking solely to her to awaken those desires will increase your wife's attractiveness in your mind make it easier to connect.
Protect the Mind
There are thoughts, images, and ideas that will enter our minds. When they do, we have a decision to make. We can either continue to think about them or escort them out. The problem occurs when we get a tempting or potentially destructive thought that we nurture rather than eliminate. If there are things that enter your mind that don't belong there, practice the discipline of stopping the thought process and changing it to something else. Perhaps shift the focus again to your spouse, God, or other things that are right to think about.
Be Open and Honest
Finally, it's easy to justify something that is happening inside your head. The problem is that those attitudes never stop in the inside. They eventually find their way to the surface in attitudes of discontentment and coldness with a spouse. Even if those attitudes are ever so slight, they push couples in a direction of disconnection. First, be honest with yourself about the impact of giving in to sexual temptation.
Next, find a friend or group of guys that you can be open with about how you are doing in building these disciplines. Give them authority to hold you accountable to living a higher standard and provide them with the same encouragement. We were never meant to do this alone.
If you would like to listen to the interview of Steve Arterburn by All Pro Dad Founder Mark Merrill, click here.
BJ Foster is the Content Manager for All Pro Dad and a married father of two. For the original article, visit allprodad.com.
For a limited time, we are extending our celebration of the 40th anniversary of Charisma. As a special offer, you can get 40 issues of Charisma magazine for only $40!
NEW - Life in the Spirit is your Spirit-filled teaching guide. Encounter the Holy Spirit, hear God speak to you, and enjoy timeless teachings on love, mercy and forgiveness.LEARN MORE!