The 7 Worst Parenting Mistakes Ever - J. Lee Grady

The 7 Worst Parenting Mistakes Ever

 10/22/2014 J. LEE GRADY  CHARISMA MAGAZINE

Have you made any of these mistakes with your child? What are you doing to change your behavior as a parent? (iStock photo)

I'm sure you heard about the 4-year-old girl in Delaware who gave tiny packets of cocaine to her daycare classmates—because she thought it was candy. Her mother, who was arrested earlier this month, said she gave her daughter the wrong backpack and couldn't tell police how 249 packets of cocaine ended up in her possession.

Every week I hear similar stories of children suffering because their parents used horrible judgment. Like the Ebola virus, bad parenting seems to be spreading—and the church is not immune. We had better get busy teaching Christian parents how to raise their kids the old-fashioned way, because recent trends are scary.

I made a list of some of the most disturbing trends in modern parenting. I am sure you can add a few more:

1. Whacky names. We joke about the ridiculous names some film and music stars give their kids: Pilot Inspektor, Denim, Camera, Blanket or Diva Thin Muffin. Yet the common people come up with even stranger names for their babies: Facebook, Hashtag, Aquafresh, Cheese, Chlamydia, Random and—get this—Felony. Do these parents want their kids to be bullied? I'm all for creativity, but if you name your child after a dairy product, social media or a sexually transmitted disease you are setting them up for abuse.

2. Allowing kids to "explore" their gender. Our culture today has gone insane when it comes to gender rules. In some schools, teachers are urged not to "impose" gender on boys or girls but to let them "decide" which gender they are, regardless of reality. And there are parents who insist that their fourth-grade boy be allowed to go in the girls' restroom because he "feels" he is a girl. Am I the only person who believes that the "psychologists" responsible for this trend need therapy themselves?

3. Sexualizing children. Back in my day kids really didn't think about sex until hormones started kicking in at age 13. When I was 9, I was playing with Lincoln Logs, watching Johnny Quest cartoons and learning how to tie square knots. Today, experts say children show sexual interest and engage in sexual behavior earlier than ever. Much of this is fueled by pornography, but television, music videos (think Miley Cyrus' influence on tween girls) and even toys are also to blame. The popular Bratz dolls feature young girls dressed in fishnet hose and miniskirts and wearing heavy makeup. And why did Victoria's Secret produce underwear last year featuring the words "Eye Candy" and "Wink Wink"—and then market them to pre-teen girls? Parents who expose their kids to sexually charged media or clothing simply invite trouble. Learn to put guardrails around the media your child is exposed to.

4. Showcasing kids. At the risk of offending church moms who put their daughters in pageants: Please stop it. We all know there's only one reason a mother would force her three-year-old daughter to wear mascara and tons of hair spray to compete with other toddlers in a beauty contest: It's all about the mothers. The girls are the victims. It has already been proven that girls who are subjected to these expensive pageants suffer from eating disorders and other self-image issues. Forcing your child to live out your fantasies is cruel. (FACT: Did you know that some American families spend more than $75,000 a year on child pageants, and that the entry fees are often priced higher than the awards given?)

5. Not showing affection. I can't tell you how many times I've asked a group of grown men how many of them had fathers who hugged them during their childhood. Often not one hand goes up. The concept of a loving dad who wrestles with his kids or bounces them on his knee has become a fairy tale to many people—and the lack of affection shows up later in insecurity, depression and a host of other psychological problems. Doctors have proven that human beings need seven expressions of meaningful touch every day. Depriving kids of wholesome affection is as serious as withholding food and water.

6. Abandoning your kids. One-third of all children growing up in America today don't have a father in the home. And the U.S. Census shows that this number continues to climb. Children who grow up in single-parent families face higher risk of poverty, and many end up delinquent, addicted to drugs or alcohol or in jail. This crisis represents a huge mission field for churches today, but we can't fight the abandonment epidemic unless we can convince more parents to consider the kids before they break up a family.

7. Giving your kids everything they want. Author Elizabeth Kolbert wrote in The New Yorker two years ago that American kids are "the most indulged young people in the history of the world." The word discipline has become a dirty word in our lexicon. Children today have all the toys and expensive gadgets they want, but they are not expected to share in household chores and don't even want to tie their own shoes or take out the garbage. It's no wonder some 30-year-old men end up living with their parents and playing video games all day: They never learned adult responsibility, so they are stuck in perpetual adolescence.

Ps. 127:3 says: "Behold, children are a gift of the Lord." I'm afraid we've squandered the privilege of raising them. What we need today is a massive movement to reclaim biblical principles of protective love and strong discipline—along with a huge dose of common sense.

J. Lee Grady is the former editor of Charisma. You can follow him on Twitter atleegrady. You can learn more about his ministry, The Mordecai Project, atthemordecaiproject.org. His new book, The Truth Sets Women Free, was released this month from Charisma House.

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Are We Teaching Our Kids Reality? - JIM DALY - Charisma Magazine

Are you teaching you children the realities of life? (iStock photo)

Charisma Magazine

Are We Teaching Our Kids Reality?

4/30/2014 JIM DALY 

Not long ago, a Christian speaker admitted to his audience that his son was in prison for burglary.

“But,” he said, “we’ve done a great job as parents.”

The crowd looked puzzled.

“Because actually,” he added, “he was born an ax murderer.”

Naturally, the audience laughed. It’s a great line. There’s absolutely no truth in it, but it’s a great line. And in its own weird way, it hits the heart of what we’re supposed to be doing as parents—showing and telling our kids how to become good, reliable, upstanding adults, and as we do so, gently guiding them away from the serial killer career track.

Parents are teachers. And from the day our kids are born, we’re on the job. Sometimes we don’t even know that we’re teaching. Our kids learn how to smile and laugh and talk simply by watching and listening to us, and they figure out quickly that screaming is a great way to get some attention.

And as they grow up, they continue to learn from us by observation, often regretfully so. Kids who unexpectedly start cussing in front of grandma may have picked up those choice words from daddy during a particularly stressful drive to school. Statistically, teens who become smokers or drinkers took their first cues from mom and dad. The old cliché of “Do as I say, not as I do”? Children hardly ever listen to that piece of advice.

But often we do give our kids very intentional lessons. We encourage them to walk and show them how to use the potty by themselves (in the appropriate receptacle, we hope). We teach them to always tell the truth and to look both ways before crossing the street. We train them how to hold their silverware correctly and how to use a stick shift.

But I believe we have a more fundamental and basic lesson to teach our kids. We must teach them what reality is. We must show them how to look at the world with a clear eye and sober heart. We have to show them that while beauty may be in the eye of the beholder, truth isn’t. Truth remains the same wherever one finds it. And a key to growing up on this planet reasonably healthy and happy is to recognize the truth when we see it.

It’s a trickier proposition than you might think, particularly in our confusing 21st century. Lots of people out there today tell us that truth is really a matter of opinion—“You have your truth, I have mine.” Spin obscures everything, from advertising pitches and marketing gimmicks to political punditry and sophistry. Plenty of people out there try to convince us that up is down (or at least a little crooked or slanted). Our own emotions and biases can obscure the real truth, and so we have to teach our sons and daughters how to look past what they feel in the moment and see the bigger picture.

Of course, for us dads to teach the truth to our kids, we have to know it ourselves. And that’s where we often struggle. After all, we have our own emotions and biases to contend with. We have our own susceptibilities to spin. And sometimes our take on the world might be just plain off.

If our kids got locked away for burglary, we might very much want to believe that our good parenting saved them from an even worse fate. But the truth might look a lot different.

And as fathers, we need to do the best job possible to know reality—not as we’d like it to be or fear it to be, but as it really is.

Jesus addressed that sense of reality in Matthew 7:3–5: “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.”

In a sense, Jesus asked us, “Do you know reality? Not what you think you see, not what you think you feel. Do you know what is real?”

As fathers, we need to know reality. We must know how others see us. How we really speak to others. The difference between fact and opinion.

We need to, for instance, be real in how we see ourselves and our own strengths and weaknesses. Where have we come up short in raising a family? When have we failed to spend time with our wives and kids? How did those shortcomings affect those around us? We have to be honest with ourselves, because only then can we be honest with our children. We need to apologize when we do something wrong and make it up to them the best way we know how.

We need to be honest about our own children too. Sometimes we believe our kids can do no wrong, and so when a teacher calls to tell us that Johnny is acting out in class or isn’t paying attention during social studies, we blame the teacher. Some parents see the opposite when it comes to their children—that they can never get anything right. We scold and chastise them for every little thing until we crush their spirit and bring their tether to us nearly to its breaking point.

And, most importantly, we need to get on the same page with Mom, our child-rearing partner.

Taken from The Good Dad by Jim Daly. Copyright © 2014 by Jim Daly. Use by permission of Zondervan.www.zondervan.com

Pakistan - Shalom Today Ministries with Moses Julius. Love For His People will help support the kids.

Shalom Aleikhem Brother Steve, 

We have selected about 70 orphan and deserving kids so I just send you information. 

It's great honor If you can sponsor some of these children?

Love and Blessing 

Mr. Moses Julius and his team

Name of the deserving student: Sana  

Father name: Saleem

Address : khaliq naqar Youhanabad - Pakistan

Age : 7

Background:

 She has seven in her family members. She is the eldest girl in her family. Her father is working in a Hotel as a helper for daily wages. Her mother is working as a cleaner of school. . Sana family is very poor. I meet all the needs of her studies. Parents don’t have any interest to give her education. She is good in Study. But unfortunately she left the School last year because her parents could not afford her education. I Promise her family I will help her in her education. So she needs Re-addmission in school and continues to start her study.

Budget for Korean school

Children Detail	Cost	Amount Us Dollar
Admission Fee (one time)	3,000	$ 32
School bag(one time)	6,00	$ 7
School shoes (one time)	1000	$ 11
oxford Books syllabus and copies(one time)	7,000	$ 75

Uniform (one time)	2,000	$ 21
Monthly fee for School	1500	$ 15
Total amount	15,100 First Time	$ 161 First time

 Monthly fee we need only 1500 Rs = $ 15

Contributing support can be made through Love For His People, Inc, a USA 501(3)3 humanitarian aid ministry. We will then send to Shalom Today Ministries in Pakistan and send you a tax receipt.

Steve Martin

Founder

Love For His People, Inc.

P.O. Box 414

Pineville, NC 28134

Sharing Love From Shalom Today Kids in Pakistan - Moses Julius

Shalom family!

On 15 February 2014, we conduct a Sabbath on our regular timing but in this Sabbath the weather was not very good and you already know that we worshiped in open air ground, we don’t have proper place to sit in room so that’s why we finished the meeting early.

In this Sabbath we purchase some Biblical Children work books to practice them because most of the children are not going in school that’s why we take decision to give them some biblical coloring work books.

At the end of the meeting children do pray for the peace of Jerusalem and salvation of Israel specially prayer for all those partners who support in this ministry in different ways,

Love and blessing.

Mr. Moses Julius

Director

Shalom Today Kids

Pakistan

They know what to do.

Pray without ceasing.

Teach our children

to seek the Living God

of Israel.

No, Hollywood, You Can't Have My Kids! DANIEL K. NORRIS (From The Frontlines by Steve Hill)

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No, Hollywood, 

You Can't Have My Kids!

 1/30/2014 DANIEL K. NORRIS CHARISMANEWS

 

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Daniel Norris

I was sitting in a green room with a well-known individual when my wife walked in, holding our little princess. The gentleman sitting next to me took notice of what her mom and I already knew. 

“That girl is absolutely gorgeous!” he exclaimed. Then he added, “She needs to be on TV.”

Instinctively, I responded, “I love her too much to prostitute her to the world like that.”

Extreme? Not at all. I’m not interested in raising a star. I’m raising a saint!

Right now, the world is watching as Justin Bieber becomes the latest to take the all-too-familiar path that so many have blazed before him. It’s striking to see how many of these fallen stars begin their ascent to fame in the church. They left God’s house for the promise of bright lights, adoring fans and big paydays. Many times they end up in the jailhouse, crack house or funeral home. 

How many celebrity parents wish they had fought harder to keep their kids out of the limelight so that they might remain in the Lord’s light? Probably fewer than I’d hope.

These stories offer a very real and public example of why we parents have to fight hard to keep our gifted children out of the world's hands. It’s time we tell Hollywood, “You can’t have our kids!”

Personally, I am completely uninterested in what Justin is doing. I don’t care about his latest tattoo. I don’t care about who he is dating. I don’t care what club he was caught walking out of, and I don’t care about the house he just egged.

What I do care about is my kids. 

We live in a world where achieving celebrity status is touted as the apex of success. We celebrate and idolize individuals in every arena of life. Even in the church!

I’m not concerned about how many people know my child’s name; I’m concerned that my child knows the name above all names. I don’t care how many people follow her; I care that she only follows Him.

Parents, we haven’t fought the world hard enough for our children. It is our job to nurture, protect and train them up in the ways of the Lord. Let's learn from the mistakes of the past and not fail our gifted children in the future. Here are a few ways how:

1. Fight to help them discover all their God-given gifts. 

If you’re gifted to speak, sing or shake a hand, there is a place for you to serve in the sanctuary. However, those gifted with other skills, like leadership, athletics, academics, acting, writing and so many more, rarely find a place for those gifts to be discovered and developed in the house of God.

God is the giver of the child and the gift. He commissions the family first, then the church to steward those gifts. We have to seek ways to encourage their talents and teach them to use their gifts to glorify the Lord. 

2. Fight to guard the gift.

I'm sure you've seen the “my child can beat up your honor student” bumper sticker. Every proud parent should celebrate their child’s accomplishments. But when celebration turns to bragging, we’ve stepped over the line.

Many parents attempt to live vicariously through their children's accomplishments. They believe what their child can do says something about them as parents. This teaches our children that “doing” is more important than “being.” (Honey Boo Boo, anybody?)

My child’s spiritual life is not secondary. It comes first, and nothing else compares. We don’t skip church or pass up prayer time or devotions for school, athletics or anything else. 

When you choose to forego spiritual things for secular things, you are silently teaching a dangerous lesson. Parents will push their children to excel in life on the field, stage or classroom but neglect to see them excel first before the Lord. If we fail here, we fail everywhere!

3. Fight to celebrate the Giver of gifts.

“First of all, I want to thank God” is the nod you often hear thrown out after an award or championship game is won. I’ve been in rooms with people watching who say, “Oh, I didn’t know he was a Christian!"

He’s probably not. 

If you can’t see the fruit of the Spirit in their lyrics, acting or sportsmanship, you will not find it in their life either. No shout-out to Lord can make up for a loose life. 

We must teach our children to glorify the Giver, not the gift. They must learn they are gifted only because God is good. 

If the gift gets elevated, it becomes an idol. When God is elevated, the gift can bring Him glory.

We teach our children that true worship is a lifestyle and that everything they do can be done as unto the Lord. It is only when God takes priority in their life that the gifts can find their proper position.

The Lord has blessed us with three amazing children, which means I’ve got three incredible reasons to fight for this generation. I know that God has an amazing plan for each of them, just as He does for each and every child. I also know that the enemy has a plan for them as well. He desires to kill, steal and destroy. Not on my watch! I’ll fight to see God’s dreams accomplished in them to the fullest. 

Sorry, world—you can’t have my kids!

Daniel K. Norris is an evangelist who works alongside Steve Hill bringing the message of revival and repentance to the nations. Together, they co-host a broadcast called From the Frontlines. Norris also hosts the Collision Youth Conference that is broadcast all over the world. He can be contacted at danielknorris.com.

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Ahava Adventures Trip For The Next Generation - Help Sponsor A Young Person!

Ahava Adventures for The Next Generation

- Help Sponsor Them To Go!

Danny Boy's gift shop in Jerusalem

- Ben Martin on Ben Yehuda Street

Jerusalem

Our annual Ahava Adventures trip to Israel

When I was 23 years old, a measurable time ago, a Bible teacher named Derek Prince began to impact my life with his teachings on Israel, and specifically our debt to the Jewish people. I have never been the same since. And subsequently have been to Israel ten times.

Having served with three ministries, from 1987-2010, that have truly blessed the people of Israel  (Mahesh & Bonnie Chavda Ministries, Derek Prince Ministries and Vision For Israel & The Joseph Storehouse - Barry & Batya Segal), I grew in my love for the Lord Jesus' plans and purposes for that nation and His Chosen Ones.

Camel rides

Now, a major goal of our ministry, Love For His People, is to connect the next generation - yours and my sons and daughters, and grandchildren, to Israel and the Jews. Introducing yours and my family of friends to their family of friends. It becomes an eternal connection.

Will you help us do that?

Every year we will take a number of our young loved ones to Israel, but we need your sponsorship to make it happen.

If you have ever been there, the land where Jesus walked and now His people live, you know the impact it will have on these that are able to go. (I like how the Israel Ministry of tourism puts it, "You (they) will NEVER be the same.")

If you haven't been able to go yet for yourself, or simply can't go for whatever reason, can you help another one go, with a supporting sponsorship contribution? Even $5 will let them eat a falafel on the streets of Jerusalem.

A pleasant place to be!

Our trip this year is set for November 2-11. More on that time can be found on our website Love For His People , where you can also give an online contribution through our PayPal link.

If you prefer to send a check, please do so:

Love For His People, Inc.

12120 Woodside Falls Rd.

Pineville, NC 28134

All gifts to sponsor another of the next generation are tax deductible, and you will be given a tax receipt. We are a 501(c)3 ministry.

Blessings on ye head. We will give much appreciation to you for your gift! And know that you will impact another's life for eternity. I firmly believe that.

Ahava (love in Hebrew),

Steve Martin

Founder

Photos below were taken by me while in Jerusalem and other sections of Israel.

Ben & Dov

Bedouin tent

Young men of Jerusalem

Yad Vashem (Holocaust Museum) - Children's Exhibit entrance

Arm in arm.

Dad and son Ben, after a hearty lunch in Jerusalem.

Dead Sea experience!

Masada - We pray along with the Jewish people, "Never again."

Dead Sea mud. Get covered!

Young Jewish boys walking home from school.

Ben Martin and young man near the Old City of Jerusalem.

Wedding photo on Tel Aviv beach

 - Mediterranean Sea

A new friend at his coffee shop 

- near King George Street in Jerusalem.

Walk the streets where Jesus did. 

And now His descendants.

Ahava Adventures for The Next Generation

- Help Sponsor Them To Go!

Israel and the Jewish People Derek says, 'Growing up in England, I would never have been anti-semitic, but I didn't know or care much about the Jewish people. I had two Jewish friends at Cambridge, but they were totally assimilated.' When the British army posted him to Jerusalem just at the end of World War II, Derek watched in awe and amazement as the Jewish people returned from many different countries after nearly two thousand years of exile. As he read Isaiah, Jeremiah, and Ezekiel, he realized he was seeing biblical prophecy fulfilled before his eyes. As a guest student at Hebrew University (the only Gentile at that time), and in daily life with Lydia's six Jewish daughters, he came to see the patience and faithfulness of God ? and the tenacity of the Jewish people in enduring every kind of pressure and indignity. He says, We owe the Jewish people an enormous debt. Without them, the church would have no patriarchs, no prophets, no apostles, no Bible and no Saviour. My most precious possession in life is my Bible, and I owe it to the Jewish people. Through his booklet, Our Debt to Israel, and his spoken messages, Derek Prince has awakened Christians throughout the world to their responsibility to Israel and the Jewish people. His book, The Last Word on the Middle East, examines in detail prophecies currently being fulfilled and expounds God?s plan for the Middle East as the age draws to its close. In another book, The Destiny of Israel and the Church, he lists seventy-nine occurrences of the word Israel or Israelite in the New Testament, concluding that Israel is never used as a synonym for the church. He explains how the church needs to recognize the special destiny of Israel, and to align itself with God's purposes. In nation after nation, Derek has unfolded the current worldwide fulfillment of Jeremiah 31:10: Hear the word of the Lord, O nations, and declare it in the isles afar off, and say, 'He who scattered Israel will gather him, and keep him as a shepherd does his flock.' Then in Jesus' words he has concluded: ?Today this Scripture is fulfilled in your hearing? (Luke 4:21). Challenging his listeners to a positive response, he cites the three parables in Matthew 25 and says: In each parable there were those whom God judged and rejected. Why? All had this in common: apathy and passivity. It was not what they did, but what they did not do. We are either with or against, either gathering or scattering, either building up or tearing down. There is no middle ground. God requires us as Christians to comfort and pray for Israel. Derek demonstrates his own confidence in the prophetic Scriptures by living in Israel and standing with the Jewish people through the pressures and trials of daily life. He views intercession as his primary assignment, praying for God to fulfill His Word and to bring salvation to the Middle East, to Jews, Muslims, and nominal Christians.

Derek Prince Ministries full website