Is There a Spiritual Side to Sex? - Charisma Magazine

Is There a Spiritual Side to Sex?

3/6/2015 KENNY LUCK/EVERY MAN MINISTRIES

God created sex for married men and women, so it stands to reason that there is a spiritual side to it. (iStock photo)

It's silly not to talk about the No. 1 issue, the No. 1 temptation, the No. 1 economic engine in culture for men—and that's sex.

Testosterone never goes away; your sex life isn't just a physical thing. God knows where your sex life really is—on the inside. There is so much sexual confusion, so much brokenness. I have never met a man who hasn't, in some way, been impacted or broken in the area of sex in one form or another. 

God's mind on sex is very positive. Sex is a gift. That's how He created you. Sex is a good thing. He wants you to use that aspect of your life for positive things, not to misuse or abuse it.

God hates sexual sin, not because He hates sex, but because He loves life. Our identity as God's men, our energy and expression sexually is to honor, worship and glorify God.

But the message from culture is that sex is a compartmentalized, private aspect of your life that you really shouldn't talk about a whole lot, and that it's a deeply personal and individualized choice and experience. It's almost a separated functionally in our physical and spiritual lives.

Unfortunately for all of us, culture is wrong, and you can't separate sex and spirituality because God created it. It is not just another bodily function. It's not just another pleasurable experience. It's far more than that. To deny the spirituality of sex is disastrous in your life and the lives of those you've hooked up with.

Let's take a look under the hood. We are going to look at the body. We will eventually go body, mind and spirit, but for this series, we are going to look at the physical aspects of sex and masculinity.

What is going on in your body? Men have testosterone. Our male physical development hits its peak at an early age. It has this bell curve we are all familiar with, but did you know that men have what we would call a man period—or a man's cycle?

Women get blamed for their week of the month. It's not a good time and they are suffering all the time. You know, she's in a bad mood, with good biological reason.

After doing some research, I realized that men have a period too—or a man cycle—connected to their testosterone.  I'm going to prove to you emphatically, from your own personal experience, that this is true.

Testosterone levels are highest when: morning or evening?

Testosterone is highest in the morning. That's why you are going hunting in your shorts in the morning. When you wake up, that's when there is blood flow. I don't know why God did that, but for men it's highest in the morning and lowest at bedtime.

Do you know that men also have emotional cycles related to their testosterone levels? It runs in a four- to six-week rhythm.

There are also periods of low testosterone levels, whether you're older or younger. The lowest levels are generally in the spring, usually in April. The spring would be the male sexual winter. When we are in that season of four to six weeks, the key feelings that men have are apathy and indifference.

The peak time is November. I don't know why that is, but maybe that's why it's football season.    

Here's where it's actually more serious. Testosterone is very intimately linked to your level of stress, anxiety, depression, aggression and mood. This is very important because negative emotions have a negative impact on the people around you.

Is this a physiological thing? Is this fate? Can we control our hormones' behavior?

Yes, testosterone has the ability to produce more stress, depression, aggression and anger in your life, but you have control over that. It's all about who you are: your beliefs, your values and where are you going to go with those negative emotions and the impacts of testosterone in your life.

That's where we'll go in Part Two, because if there is a natural physiological presence of testosterone, and I'm single, I'm married, I'm more mature, my body is more mature or I'm single again, where do we go with it?

Kenny Luck is the president and founder of Every Man Ministries. As the former men's pastor at Saddleback Church in California and current leadership pastor at Crossline Community Church, Kenny has found the proven way to improve men's ministries around the world. Sleeping Giant is this blueprint, and gives men the tools they need to lead and understand their own men's ministry. Watch Kenny's teachings at everymanministries.com and start your men's group today!

Follow Every Man Ministries now on Facebook, Twitter (@everymm,) and YouTube.

Marriage Is the Economic Stimulus We Need

Marriage Is the Economic 

Stimulus We Need

By Stephen Moore

CBN News Contributor

Thursday, November 06, 2014

This may be a surprising statement from a bleary-eyed, number-crunching economist, but the best anti-poverty program in America may not be tax cuts or debt reduction or regulatory relief, but rather that old-fashioned institution called marriage.

It turns out that poverty rates are very low among intact families and prevalent among homes without a father. Children who grow up in single-parent households are much more likely to face economic trouble as adults.

Those who cheer divorce as a form of women's liberation, or who say that stigmatizing out-of-wedlock births is just right-wing sermonizing, just don't get this intertwined connection between two-parent households and economic success. Socio-cultural factors like the decline of marriage are leading causes of the wealth gap and the stubborn poverty trap in many low income neighborhoods.

For more economic insight, check out more of Stephen Moore's articles on CBN News here.



This isn't to say that kids who grow up in broken homes can't succeed - millions heroically do. It doesn't mean that every marriage was meant to be - many times divorce is the only option. But what is irrefutable is that marriage with a devoted husband and wife in the home is a far better social program than food stamps, Medicaid, public housing, or even all of them combined.

This conclusion is made clear by a new eye-opening and sometimes depressing report called the Index of Culture and Opportunity by my colleagues at the Heritage Foundation. It's conclusion: "We have to reshape our culture before we can ever hope to make a big dent in the number of poor households."

Some of the cultural indicators are going in a positive direction; others have taken a decidely negative course.

First, the good news: violent crime is down. So is the number of abortions.

But in other ways we are ripping our families and our society apart. Consider these statistics on family breakup.

"From 2001 to 2011, the marriage rate dropped by 10.3 marriages per 1,000 unmarried women, or 22.8 percent. Since the 1960s, it has fallen by about 50 percent."

According to one of the report's scholars, W. Bradford Wilcox, "only about half of the nation's adults are cur­rently married, and about half of the nation's children will spend some time outside an intact, married home."

This is a form of child abuse. And those numbers are much higher in low income communities. In some cities like Detroit and Newark two of every three children are born out of wedlock. Name a government program that can take the place of a father.

This troubling trend appears to be a road block to the American Dream. One study by Harvard economist Raj Chetty and his colleagues, finds that when it comes to what is preveninng the economic upward mobility of poor children, "the strongest and most robust predic­tor is the fraction of children with single parents."

It's also true and often overlooked that family breakup creates a statistical illusion that we are making less economic progress than we actually are. For example, if a married couple earns $80,000, but then ends up in divorce, there are now two households earning $40,000. So it appears the economy is slipping and average household income is falling. But in fact what has slipped is the culture.

Meanwhile, birth rates are falling and falling. In only two of the last 40 years have birth rates exceeded replacement level fertility of 2.1 kids per couple.

Who will take care of and finance the retirement of the near 80 milllion baby boomers? Thank goodness for immigration. The population bomb that was once famously worried about by scholars like Paul Ehrlish has become a population fizzle.

Most economists agree that the sharp decline in the share of Americans between ages 18 to 64 that are working is a major economic hindrance. This isn't just happening by chance but rather as a result of policy and cultural changes.

Welfare households, the report finds, are much more likely to have no one working at all and so the assistance becomes a substitute for work. The value of work is denigrated in our modern society and welfare has been elevated. Millions of jobs are there for the taking if the unemployed and underemployed go out and obtain useful skills.

But our culture too often frowns upon Americans doing what are regarded as grimy, blue collar jobs - even though they can pay $60,000 to $100,000 a year. This may explain why it is so hard to get a plumber or carpenter or any kind of handyman these days.

We also seem to disparage the idea of young people, especially teens, working. We parents spoil our kids - and I'm no less guilty than others - with leisure and money. And many millennials have to come to think that to pull them away from the television or computer or Gameboy screen is an offense that is reportable to child protective services.

But this new report reminds us of the obvious: that there is dignity, character building, and self-sufficiency in all forms of labor.

One of my favorite scenes in a recent movie is in Cinderella Man, when during the depths of the Great Depression, James Bradock, played by Russell Crowe, is forced as a last resort to take a welfare payment from the government to feed his family. His sense of shame is clearly evident. Then, when he wins some prize fights and gets back on his feet, he goes back to the welfare office and returns all the taxpayer money he took in his hour of need.

Who does that today? It is now the opposite. The Obama administration runs television and radio ads assuring welfare recipients they should feel no shame whatsoever in taking a hand out and even tells them that the more they live off the expense of someone else (taxpayers), the better it is for the economy. Liberals are trying to bend the culture in a subversive direction and given that last year we had 47 million on food stamps, the Left is succeeding.

We economists bury ourselves in the data and the formulas to try to devise policy recommendations to make the economy grow faster and raise the living standards of workers and families. It's humbling to realize how much of our nation's economic success is based on a culture of virtue. Do the right thing, as Spike Lee would put it.

To save our economy from a path of decline we need to start with a personal and national commitment to sturdy families, strong parents, and a reemergence of the Protestant work ethic. That shouldn't be so hard.

 is chief economist at the Heritage Foundation and an economics contributor to CBN.

7 Ways a Husband Injures a Wife Without Even Knowing It

1/29/2014 RON EDMONDSON

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Husbands, do you injure your wives without even knowing it? (Stock Free Images)

I recently posted “7 Ways a Wife Injures a Husband Without Even Knowing It.” 

It’s been a popular post. Thankfully, I’ve not seemed to make a lot of women mad—a few, but not many that I have heard from yet. We will see how the men respond with this post.

As I committed, a companion post is warranted. Guys, we injure our wives. All of us do. We are different, and the way we respond to our wives often causes injury. And most of the time, it’s unintentional. We didn’t even know we were doing it.

I’m not making excuses for us. We should strive to learn our spouses and do better at understanding our differences, communicating better and injuring less. That’s what this post is about. Awareness. Understanding.

I ran this post by my wife, so it’s Cheryl-approved, although it wasn’t hard to write. As a counselor and pastor, I’ve worked with hundreds of couples and have seen this countless times. I wish I could say I never did any of these, but that would be a lie. This post is written with one finger pointed forward and four more pointed my way.

Here are seven ways a husband injures a wife without even knowing it:

1. Cuts her out of the discussion. When you act as if she isn’t even there or wouldn’t understand what you’re talking about, she feels a part of her is detached. She sees the marriage as a partnership in every part of life—even the parts she may never fully understand.

2. Fails to notice the difference she makes. A woman doesn’t want to be appreciated for only what she does. She wants you to appreciate who she is, but you can admit it—she does a lot. Whether it’s decorating the house or making sure the clothes are clean or that you have your favorite soap, a woman wants to know what she does is valued by you.

3. Underestimates the small stuff. You only said “this” but it was “THIS” to her. And it hurts. You may even think it’s funny. She may even laugh. But it is often building a wall of protection around her heart each time you do. The key here is that you can’t talk to her like you might talk to another guy. She hears and feels deeper than you do. Words can and do hurt.

4. Speaks with curtness. When you talk down to her, as if she’s somehow less than you, you bruise her spirit. Deeply. You know she’s not less than you—you don’t even think she is—but she just can’t tell that sometimes based on your tone and the way you talk to her.

5. Corrects her as she’s talking. This could be finishing her sentences or speaking for her in the company of others. She feels demeaned and devalued when you present her to others as if she can’t compete with you in original thought, which you know isn’t true. (My wife is much smarter than me.)

6. Acts suspicious. Don’t misunderstand or misapply this one. When you hide information, even when you think you’re protecting her, you cause her to question your motive. When you protect your calendar or act like you are upset at the question “What did you do today?” or “What did you talk about?” or “Who was that?” when someone calls, it gives her an eerie feeling something is wrong. And that hurts.

7. Admires other women over her. She sees you looking. She may even understand your highly visual makeup. It hurts her, however, when a glance becomes a stare, especially when it happens everywhere you go, all the time.

A wife’s heart, no matter how independent or strong she is, is tender in places—lots of places. She can bruise easily in some areas of her life, especially the places that involve the people she loves the most—like you. A husband who understands this is more careful in how he speaks and responds to her.

Most husbands I know would never injure their wife knowingly. They want to be her protector. Men, when we don’t realize the damage we are doing to our wives' emotions, we invalidate every desire we have to be her defender. I always like to use this thought as a reminder: Would I ever allow another man to speak to or treat my wife like I am doing?

She’s a precious gift, guys. Let’s treat her well.

What other ways do husbands injure their wives without even knowing it?

Ron Edmondson is a church planter and pastor with a heart for strategy, leadership and marketing, especially geared toward developing churches and growing and improving the kingdom of God.

 For the original article, visit ronedmondson.com.

7 Ways a Wife Injures a Husband Without Even Knowing It

1/27/2014 RON EDMONDSON

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Do you often injure your spouse without knowing it? (Stock Free Images)

I was talking to a man the other day. He’s injured. Not severely. He will survive. Hopefully. The wounds aren’t deep. Right now. But, he is injured.

It’s an emotional injury. Sometimes those are the worst kind of hurts.

The person doing the injuring: His wife. And she, most likely, doesn’t even know she’s doing it.

Surprised?

I’m not. It happens all the time. She’s probably injured too. And, he doesn’t even know he’s doing it to her. Marriages are made of two very different, imperfect people. Plus, we often injure most those we love the most.

My friend is newly married. Over the course of the last few months he’s began to realize how many things his wife is saying and doing that are causing him to pull away from her. He even recognizes his reaction as a defense mechanism. Rather than start a fight, he withdraws. And, he’s withdrawn to the point that he was willing to admit his hurt, which is difficult for any man to do. I was proud of him for being humble enough to ask if this was normal in a marriage.

It didn’t take long before I realized, however, this marriage is heading for disaster if they don’t address their issues soon. There’s a great chance she has questions about the relationship also. Thankfully, they’re in a great season to ask hard questions, learn valuable lessons and strengthen the marriage.

I should be clear. This is not a counseling blog. And, this couple needs counseling. Even though I have a degree in counseling, this is simply a blog where I want to help people. Mostly that’s by addressing leadership issues, but sometimes I address the issues dealing with relationships—families, marriage and children—because, those issues impact us and also our leadership.

Which lead me to this post—addressing the ways wives injure their husbands without even knowing it. It’s a little sarcastically written, partially because that was easier, partially because I can tend to be that way, but mostly because it hopefully illustrates harsher realities in a gentler way. (Again, I realize this works both ways. As a man, I feel most prepared to address this side of the issue. I’ll consider a companion post after I consult my wife.)

Here are 7 ways a wife injures her husband (without even knowing it):

1. Put him down in front of other people. Most men will not counter this type of humiliation in public…if ever. They will simply take it…and hurt. If they do eventually address it will be out of stored up resentment…maybe anger…and it won’t be pretty.

2. Go behind him when he tries to do something at home. Always show him how much better you can do things than he can do them. He will appreciate that. When he fixes the bed, make sure you show him the “correct way” immediately after he finishes. He will be reminded he doesn’t measure up to your standards.

3. Constantly badger him. If he doesn’t do what you want him to do …remind him. Again and again (Because that accomplishes what you want it to do).

4. Use the “you always” phrase … excessively. Because he “always” does and, best news yet, it helps build him into a man that always will.

5. Hold him responsible for your emotional wellbeing. He’s the reason you feel bad today and every other day you feel bad. So, make sure he knows it’s his fault. And, you don’t have to tell him. Subtly, just be in a bad mood towards him, without releasing him from guilt. He’ll take the hint and own the responsibility. He will think it’s his fault even if it’s not.

6. Complain about what you don’t have or get to do. He has a desire to fix things. He wants to be a provider. Every man does. Some attempt to live it out and some don’t. But, when he’s trying, doing the best he can and yet he feels he isn’t measuring up, he’s crushed. When you are always commenting on what other women have that you don’t, he carries the blame, even if you’re not intending it to be his.

7. Don’t appreciate his efforts. Want to injure a man? Refuse to appreciate the things he feels he does well. It could be work, a hobby or a trait, but he feels part of his identity in the things he does. When you don’t find them as “valuable” as he does, his ego is bruised.

The reality is a man’s ego—his self-confidence and sense of worth—is greatly tied to his wife, just as a woman’s is to her husband. We can be fragile people, some more than others.

Understanding these issues and addressing them—with a third party if necessary—will help build healthier, stronger and happier people and marriages.

I understand some women, especially the equally or more wounded women, are going to take offense to this post. I get that. I’m prepared for that … I think. All I can say is that you can’t measure my heart or my intention. As I said, I aim to help. You can’t address what you do not know. If you are guilty of any of these, the response is up to you. If not, well, thanks for reading to this point in the post anyway.

I’m praying this lands on ears that need to hear.

Click here for my follow-up, the "7 Ways a Husband Injures a Wife Without even knowing it."

Ron Edmondson is a church planter and pastor with a heart for strategy, leadership and marketing, especially geared toward developing churches and growing and improving the kingdom of God.

For the original article, visit ronedmondson.com.

Two are better than one...

Two are better than one, for they  get a greater return for their labor.  For should they fall,  one can lift his friend. ECCLESIASTES (4:9,10) טוֹבִים הַשְּׁנַיִם מִן הָאֶחָד אֲשֶׁר  יֵשׁ לָהֶם שָׂכָר טוֹב בַּעֲמָלָ ם כִּי אִם יִפֹּלוּ הָאֶחָד יָקִים אֶת חֲבֵרוֹ קֹהֶלֶת ד:ט,י toe-VEEM ha-she-na-YEEM ha-eh-KHAD ah-SHARE yaysh la-HEM sa-KHAR tove ba-ah-ma-LAM kee eem yeef-LOO ha-eh-KHAD ya-KEEM et kha-vay-ROE Today’s Israel Inspiration Today's verse from the wisdom of King Solomon urges each of us to seek out and connect with others with whom we can grow spiritually. From the word 'chaver' (friend) comes the word 'chavruta' - a study partner - and a deeply traditional way of biblical learning where two people explore Jewish texts together. Together we can connect and achieve all of our spiritual goals for the coming year.

25 Ways a Husband Should Love His Wife

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25 Ways a Husband Should Love His Wife

10/10/2013 ROBERT LEWIS

 

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(© Melis82 | Stock Free Images )

1. Includes his wife in envisioning the future.

2. Accepts spiritual responsibility for his family.

3. Is willing to say "I'm sorry" and "Forgive me" to his family.

4. Discusses household responsibilities with his wife and makes sure they are fairly distributed.

5. Seeks consultation from his wife on all major financing decisions.

6. Follows through with commitments he has made to his wife.

7. Anticipates the different stages his children will pass through.

8. Anticipates the different stages his marriage will pass through.

9. Frequently tells his wife what he likes about her.

10. Provides financially for his family's basic living expenses.

11. Deals with distraction so he can talk with his wife and family.

12. Prays with his wife on a regular basis.

13. Initiates meaningful family traditions.

14. Initiates fun outings for the family on a regular basis.

15. Takes the time to give his children practical instruction about life.

16. Manages the schedule of the home and anticipates pressure points.

17. Keeps his family financially sound and out of harmful debt.

18. Makes sure he and his wife have drawn up a will.

19. Lets his wife and children into the interior of his life.

20. Honors his wife in public.

21. Explains sex to each child in a way that gives them a wholesome perspective.

22. Encourages his wife to grow as an individual.

23. Takes the lead in establishing sound family values.

24. Provides time for his wife to pursue her own personal interests.

25. Is involved in a small group of men dedicated to spiritual growth.

Robert Lewis is passionate about helping men discover the biblical principles of authentic manhood. He founded and developed Men’s Fraternity in 1990, and today this significant area of ministry is reaching men worldwide in churches, on college campuses, in corporate boardrooms, and in prison cell blocks via his three one-year video curriculum: Quest for Authentic Manhood; Winning at Work and Home; and The Great Adventure. In response to great demand, Robert developed the feminine counterpart to Men’s Fraternity, The New Eve.

Website: Charisma Magazine

My wife Laurie (Laura Jean Unzicker Martin) - a poem "My Good Wife"

Laurie

My Good Wife

A pretty lass, of her father's German decent,

That of Otto for sure - 'twas heaven sent.

Lorraine her Mom, now of 54 and more,

Thank you Lord, for sharing her. 

Got married (to me!) at 18. I prayed!

Had firstborn Josh on her 19th b-day.

Then came Ben, and Hannah and Christen, it's true,

Notice the eyes? Green, not blue.

She's made each house a nice, pleasant aroma;

Be in Illinois, Michigan, Florida or Carolina.

Has worked hard an annual 12 at Calvary Daycare,

Now has five, plus one, of own grands we share.

No special day, as I share now with you,

Just wanted it be known her heart is true.

Loves the Lord - and full of life,

Blessings on her, my lovely and good wife!

Steve Martin

July 15, 2013