Are You Looking for Love in the Right Places? - RUTH LOPEZ WHITFIELD CHARISMA MAGAZINE

Where are you looking for love? (iStock photo )

Are You Looking for Love in the Right Places?

 2/7/2016 RUTH LOPEZ WHITFIELD  charisma magazine

Hardly a day goes by that I don't see a TV commercial advertising a site where you can meet Mr. or Mrs. Right. Some cater to young singles, others to the more mature and still others to those of like faith or ethnic background.

I know of a few couples that actually met and courted their spouse online and have successful marriages. I'm not sure of the percentage of failed ones.

Valentine's Day is coming up, and we are bombarded with hearts, flowers, decorations, candy and sweet recipes. Restaurants and jewelry stores gear up for what will be a busy and lucrative time, while children exchange "Valentines" in school or other functions, and even "Charlie Brown" gets in on the act with a TV special.

Invariably there will be the surprise proposal with man on bended knee being photographed as he pops the question to his intended amid sighs of "Aw" and cheers from onlookers.

For some, it's an exciting time and, for others, not so much. There are those who may not hear the words "I love you" or "Be My Valentine," and for them it may be a very long and tedious day.

All of us are born with a need for love and acceptance. God made us this way. Studies show that babies who are held and loved do far better than those who are not.

Because of this innate need, many of us spend our lives looking for love—sometimes in all the wrong places. We want to belong, to be part of something or someone. We seek acceptance and a sense of belonging wherever we go.

Being driven by this need can cause all kinds of problems. It might lead us to cling to our children, smothering rather than loving them and stifling their growth and development. Or it might tempt us to live in a fantasy world, dreaming of a knight in shining armor who will fill the void in our lives.

This need may cause us to look to others for affirmation: family members, friends, co-workers and so on. We rely on their esteem to convince ourselves we are worthy of esteem.

The truth is that as Christians, we are already fully accepted in the Beloved. We are members of God's family, precious daughters and sons of the King who are totally and unconditionally loved!

There isn't anything we can do to earn this love and acceptance. Jesus assures us, "All whom the Father gives Me will come to Me, and he who comes to Me I will never cast out" (John 6:37, MEV). We are secure in Him.

We have no need to look for satisfaction anywhere else. Yet there were times I had sought affirmation from others—and felt unloved and rejected when I didn't receive it. Has that ever happened to you?

When I asked the Lord about my actions and responses, He said: "Whenever you look to others for love or acceptance, you will be disappointed. You are already loved; you are already accepted by Me. Come to Me and receive your fill, then you will be able to be a giver of love. Share My love with others rather than looking to receive it from them. As you give, you will receive because you will reap what you sow. Accept others even as I have accepted and continue to accept you—not because you're perfect but because I love you and count you worthy of the price of My blood. You are a gift to me, bought and cherished. Cherish others as I cherish you. Love others as I love you."

Wow! That gave me a new perspective, and it was very liberating. Because I am already accepted and loved beyond measure, I don't need others to love me. I can love them without any expectation of reciprocity. I can release them to be who they are without placing demands upon them.

I can set them free not to do something for me just because I did something for them. In fact, Jesus told us it is better for us to invite those to dinner who can't repay us. What He meant is that we actually receive a greater reward when we do something for people who can't or don't pay us back—it is a greater indicator of our love.

Make a decision today to stop looking for love in all the wrong places and find it in God. Then you will be a vessel through which His love can flow out to others. Receive it from Him that you may give it out—and watch how you reap what you sow!

Prayer Power for the Week of Feb. 7, 2016

As you pray this week, embrace God's unconditional love for you, let it fill you heart, express it back to Him and share it with others. Ask Him to direct your steps to those who desperately need to know they are loved so that you can be a vessel of reconciliation and acceptance. Pray for those struggling through personal and economic loss as well as the ravages of winter weather. Continue to pray for worldwide revival and the soon return of our Lord. Lift up our nation and its leaders, the upcoming elections, more laborers for His harvest fields, Israel and the persecuted church (Jer. 31:3; John 6:37; 1 John 1:4; 1 John 4:19).

For a limited time, we are extending our celebration of the 40th anniversary of Charisma. As a special offer, you can get 40 issues of Charisma magazine for only $40!

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How to Deal With a Verbally Abusive Spouse - BILLY GRAHAM CHARISMA NEWS

What can I do about the harsh and hurtful things my husband says to me? (Charisma archives)

How to Deal With 

a Verbally Abusive Spouse

1/24/2016 BILLY GRAHAM CHARISMA NEWS

It is distressing to be on the receiving end of very cutting and abrupt comments that wound one's spirit.

Some people, for reasons known only to themselves, often speak to others in this manner. Sometimes a harsh and insensitive attitude shields a person who himself has been wounded by the remarks of others. In any case, we can understand the problems you are having. Remember that God loves you, and you are important in His sight. He loves you so much that He sent Christ to die for your sins.

As you focus on the fact that God loves you and considers you precious to Him, there will be a real difference in your life. Your sense of self-worth does not need to depend on the opinion of others.

Be sure you do not act toward your husband in the way he acts toward you. It is easy in a situation like yours to do just that. But that does not solve the problem—it only makes it worse. The Bible tells us, "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger" (Proverbs 15:1). It also says, "A wholesome tongue is a tree of life" (Proverbs 15:4). Affirm and support your loved one in your conversations. Your example may help him to learn to do the same for you. Read also Ephesians 4:29-32.

We would encourage you to find a time when you can speak frankly (and yet lovingly) with your husband. Perhaps he is not even aware you are hurt by the things he says, and although he may not be intentionally hurting you, he needs to be aware of your feelings.

Communication is important in a good marriage, and you and your husband need to learn to share your concerns (as well as your joys) with each other. Read 1 Corinthians, chapter 13, and Ephesians 5:28-29. Many couples have found the counsel of a Gospel-teaching pastor or Christian marriage counselor to be helpful in strengthening relationships and improving communication skills.

We would urge both you and your husband to examine your relationship with Christ. Have you committed your lives to Christ? Are you seeking to follow Him? If not, make that commitment now, and learn the joy of having Christ at the center of your marriage.

When a husband and wife are truly seeking to honor Christ, they will not want to hurt each other—quite the opposite, they will want to encourage each other. As you pray and learn from God's Word together, God will help both of you become the loving partners He wants you to be.

Let Jesus bring peace to your marriage—and your soul.

For a limited time, we are extending our celebration of the 40th anniversary of Charisma. As a special offer, you can get 40 issues of Charisma magazine for only $40!

NEW from CHARISMA: Do you want to encounter the Holy Spirit and hear God speak to you? Increase your faith, discover freedom, and draw near to God! Click Here

5 Reasons You Shouldn't Cohabitate Before Marriage - ALLPRODAD.COM STAFF CHARISMA MAGAZINE

After living together before marriage, the odds of staying together decrease significantly. (Stock Free Images)

5 Reasons You Shouldn't Cohabitate Before Marriage

11/27/2015 ALLPRODAD.COM STAFF  charisma magazine

Are you single or dating someone you think may be the one? Or do you have kids who are dating and may be thinking wedding bells at some point?

If so, you may want to consider the importance of marrying before moving in together or of teaching your kids about the pitfalls of shacking up.

More and more couples are choosing to move in together before marriage. One reason is to save on rent. Yes, saving on rent. Saving on rent is not, and should not be, a reason to live with someone who may or may not become your spouse. In fact, it is a really bad reason. Below are five reasons shacking up is a bad idea:

1. No blessings from God. The Bible considers shacking up the opposite of a legitimate marriage. A legitimate marriage consists of a union between a man and woman who have made a covenant and commitment. Shacking up involves neither. Marriage was a union created by God and is a union God blesses.

2. Your relationship will probably end. An article on examiner.com states that 80 percent of shacking-up relationships end before marriage or in divorce after marriage. So, it is 80/20 against you getting married or staying married to that person. One reason is because there is not a commitment when you move in before marriage. A relationship without commitment will not last, and marriage is the biggest commitment you can make in life.

3. Your children will be negatively affected. To the parents who have children, your kids are three times as likely to be expelled from school or get pregnant, five times more likely to live in poverty, and 22 times more likely to be incarcerated—all because you choose to live with someone you're not married to.

4. It makes you lazy. As a married man, I know that once dating ends, the relationship changes. Living together removes the "being your best" part of your relationship. Kind of like most job interviews—you wore the suit to the interview, but once hired, you show up in khakis and a polo. And if you're living with a woman and getting some of the "benefits" of marriage—sex, having someone to help around the house, sharing the bills—you can also get lazy about taking the next step in your relationship.

5. Saving on rent. Mentioned above.

 Related Resources: 

• 10 Guidelines When a Young Adult Child Moves Back Home
• Adolescence Talk
• Waiting for Sex Talk

How will you educate your adult children about the dangers of shacking up?

All Pro Dad is Family First's innovative and unique program for every father. Their aim is to interlock the hearts of the fathers with their children and, as a byproduct, the hearts of the children with their dads. At allprodad.com, dads in any stage of fatherhood can find helpful resources to aid in their parenting. Resources include daily emails, blogs, Top 10 lists, articles, printable tools, videos and eBooks. Fromallprodad.com, fathers can join the highly engaged All Pro Dad social media communities on Facebook, Twitter, YouTube and Instagram.

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Millions of Christian Women Shared This Article—Why? - Steve Strang

March 14, 2014 CHARISMA MAGAZINE

Steve Strang, Founder, Publisher

It happened around Valentine’s Day, when loving couples are supposed to be choosing gifts for one another. Instead, many were reading—and sharing—Lee Grady’s Fire in My Bones column entitled “10 Men Christian Women Should Never Marry.” It went massively viral, shared nearly 2 million times on charismamag.com alone.

The question is, why?

As mentioned, Lee wrote the column the week of Valentine’s Day, so the timing may have had something to do with it. However, he had no idea 2 million people would read it and that nearly 1.5 million would share it.

I’ve known Lee for more than 30 years. I know he has a solid marriage. I know he mentors a lot of young men and that the subject of marriage often comes up. He’s definitely got God’s wisdom on the matter. But was it just his wisdom that caused the rush to share it far and wide?

At first my staff thought it had been picked up by secular sites in order to make fun of Christians. When it had been shared “only" 300,000 times, one of the editors emailed me and said, “I’m 90 percent sure it's a secular site driving this, given the few comments on our own site. It’s been difficult to track the real source because it’s on FB.”

Now we’re not so sure. The comments on the site are almost all from Christians. It’s as if there is a deep desire from Christians who are so disappointed in people due to addictions, divorce, compromised standards and so forth that they resonate with a father figure like Lee telling women things their dad or pastor should have told them.

Why else would it be shared so many times on Facebook? People making fun don’t really share items at that level. If you missed the article, you can read it here.

Lee confirmed most reactions came from Facebook when I asked him about the reaction. “No secular outfits contacted me, but many Christian groups did,” he said. “Also, I got tons of private messages, mostly from women wanting advice because they had married some of the men I warned women not to marry!”

Lee got a lot of requests after the first article came out, and a week later, he wrote “8 Women Christian Men Should Never Marry.” That article also went viral, but at a lower velocity—only 230,000 shares.

So it’s your turn. Chime in. Tell us what you think. Did you learn anything? Is Lee wrong? Or maybe you can answer the question I tried to answer here: Why did an article on the type of men Christian women shouldn't marry go viral with 2 million shares?

Steve Strang is the founder and publisher of Charisma. Follow him on Twitter at @sstrang or Facebook (stephenestrang).

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